Memories of Gerani

One of the things that has really helped my process of healing from Gerani's loss is that so many people knew her and loved her.  I feel like I got to share how wonderful she was with a lot of people.  It was almost like she wasn't just my dog but a lot of people's dog.  Still, I am blessed to have been the one to share the most with her.  I have a lot of great memories and little things that bring a smile to my face when I think about them.  I wanted to share some of them with you.

Pieces of Gerani that I want to remember forever:

~Calling her Roni, Ron-Ron or Ron-Ron-Roni-kins.

~How she liked getting her nails done.  She always reminded me of a woman enjoying a pedicure.

~Her sneaky ability to eat Whitman's food.  It's amazing he ate at all.

~How she made me look like an incredible dog owner and trainer.

~Our trip to Lego Land in California and how she grudgingly went on the rides with me.  Really she was much too mature to do kid stuff like that, but she was the only dog that went on every single ride and without getting scared.

~Our trip to the dog beach in California with other CCI dogs.  She would run with the group until they ran into the water.  Then you would see her break off and wait for them to come back out so she could run with them again.  At the end of the day she was the cleanest dog.

~How proud and beautiful she looked when she walked or pranced.  Especially when she'd just been groomed or brushed.

~How, as an older more mature dog, nothing scared her.  Such a transformation from when she was a puppy and a little bit of a nervous nelly.

~Her amazing balance in the car.  Sometimes I would zoom around an on ramp or go on a curvy road just to see her show off her amazing leaning abilities.  Gerani would just leeeeean and then straighten up while Whitman just fell over or slammed into the back of my seat.

~She was also the only dog trustworthy enough to ride in the passenger seat.  She looked very regal.

"Take me where I need to go."

~How, in the car, Gerani would just stick out the very tip of her nose.  Ladies don't hang their whole heads out the window.

~Her maturity and composure.  Sometimes she was even more mature than me.

~In her younger days, she could take on and conquer any other pup in a wrestling match.  No one ever messed with Gerani.

~Her shameless begging for treats from clients and apprentices alike.

~Bullying those apprentices by barking at them.  Or if the apprentice didn't know what they were doing she'd blow them off.  I was constantly saying, "Don't let that Golden Retriever do that!"

~Her paw.  She would paw you for attention.  It was so annoying but I miss that so much.

~How much Whitman loved her.

~Watching her play with Whitman was one of my favorite things.

~But she didn't need Whitman to entertain her.  She would play with her own tail.  As a pup, she would chase her tail.  As an older dog she would sit down and tug on her tail.  She's too smart to chase her tail; she figured out how to catch it!

Before she learned to just sit down and catch her tail.

~How peaceful she looked when she was sleeping.

~How she would lick the floor in the kitchen... even if there wasn't anything on it to lick.  Sometimes she would even lay on the carpet and lick it.

~She would ALWAYS find something soft to lay on.  She would even claw the carpet to make it a little fluffier.

~One of the times that she had me laughing the hardest was the one evening I was washing the dog bed covers.  So I took all the covers off the dog beds and piled up the inserts so that no one would lay on them until the covers were done.  I got distracted for a bit and when I next came downstairs, I found Gerani perched on the top of the pile of dog beds.  No one makes her lay on the floor if she doesn't want to.  It was the funniest thing.

Gerani on the pile of beds looking at me like "What are you looking at?"

~How she was dainty to a fault.  Always a lady.

~Here's a good story:  Gerani was such a well trained dog that I used her to keep an eye on Whitman.  One day when Whitman was a puppy, I took them for a walk around Ice Lake on the Air Force Academy.  Gerani was trustworthy off leash so, for some reason, I decided to tie the leashes together so Whitman was attached to her so he couldn't wander off.  We were walking peacefully around the lake when suddenly Gerani sees a bird out on the water.  The next few seconds happened in slow motion.  Gerani saw the bird and she took off.  There was this second when nothing happened then the leashes snapped and Whitman was yanked off his feet like a cartoon.  There goes Gerani into the water, swimming for that bird.  And there goes my young puppy Whitman getting dragged into the water like dead weight.  I thought for sure I'd just drowned my puppy.  I have never yanked my shoes off so fast so I could go in after them to save Whitman.  To this day, Whitman hates deep water.  Looking back on it now Gerani might have been trying to drown that annoying puppy I insisted she get along with.

~How she was BEST FRIENDS with Vallie and how she mourned for Vallie just as much as I did.

Gerani and Vallie.  My angels.

~How much she hated Whitman when I first brought him home.  He loved her from day one but she wanted nothing to do with him.  He would run after her outside and she'd keep just out of his grasp.  One of the reasons I brought Whitman home was Gerani was mourning Vallie so much that I feared I would lose her too.  Then I was really afraid when I brought this puppy home that she just despised.  But it was wonderful to see how close they grew.  Gerani was Whitman's best friend.

Gerani with Whitman as a brand new puppy.  She's like "oh God why?!"  That's one of the only pictures with her and him as a puppy because she wouldn't let him get near her.

~How every day I left the dogs home alone I would say "Gerani, you keep an eye on Whitman."  And I truly felt better that Gerani was there babysitting him.

~How she was always hungry and was always looking for food.  I couldn't walk through Lucky Dog without her scanning for a snack.  You would think I didn't feed her.

~How, when she got too hot, she would roll over on her back with one of her back legs up so her belly was exposed so she could cool off while she napped.

Ahhh cool belly.

~How even though she was very much a lady, she killed her fair share of field mice and baby rabbits in her day.  I'll never forget looking out the window and seeing Gerani in a field playing with something looking as happy as can be.  I went out there to see what she had and it was a field mouse, poor thing.  She would grab it, throw it high in the air and then pounce on it when it came back down.

~How she had the uncanny ability to go outside in ALL kinds of weather and not get a spot of dirt on her.  Whitman would be caked in mud and Gerani's feet would be pristine.

~How she would never walk through puddles.  She'd either go around or jump over them.

~How as soon as it rained she would start barking to come inside immediately!

~How she would lay down and then kick her left back foot out behind her and sigh.

~The moment I saw that fluffy puppy peering at me through the airplane crate and she was mine.

Awwww!

~The heart wrenching moment I handed her off to a CCI kennel attendant in California and watched her prance away.  I knew she had no idea we may not see each other ever again.

~The anticipation of waiting for a flight attendant to bring Gerani through the Denver Airport, finally coming home to me after being dropped from CCI.  God I remember she never looked more beautiful than she did in that moment that I saw her again after a year.

~Her hilarious "stationary left side".  Everyone always laughed how she would try it then have hop closer several times.

~How she wasn't a huge snuggler but when she did snuggle it was so sweet.

~How loud and vicious she sounded when she played.  Only a select few dogs were special enough for her to play with but when she did it sounded like they'd kill each other.  Thanks to her, I have another dog that plays the same way.  He'll probably teach my next puppy to play like that and it all started with Gerani.

~Her amazing ability to learn anything and everything in record breaking time.  She took a week to learn all the tricks in trick's class that Whitman couldn't pick up in six weeks.  She was so eager!

~How excited she was to do agility.  Anything for a hotdog!

~Her snore.  She would have been so embarrassed to know she snored.

~Her "Are you kidding me?" look.  You all know what I'm talking about if you knew her.

~How well loved she was by so many people.  She touched SO many lives.

~How she would let Whitman and Theo play and run past her a couple of times but get up and bark when they got too rowdy.  She could put an end to that crazy immaturity real fast.

~How judgmental she could be when I would dance around like a crazy person with Whitman.  She'd just sigh like she was so long suffering.

~How the faces of people would light up when I took her into nursing homes or hospitals.  She really showed how good her soul was when she was out working.

~How lucky I was to be her mom.

I would love for anyone and everyone to share their own memories of Gerani.  Anything that comes to your mind when I say her name.  Please send me a little note or reply if you have one you'd like to share.

Dearly loved. Sorely missed.

I thought this summer was hard on Gerani because it was hot, dry and smokey.  I thought she was slowing down because she was getting old and that was her right.  But deep down I knew something was up.  Deep down, I was dreading that C-word.  I was dreading that trip to the vet.  I was so unprepared to hear "cancer" with Vallie, my lab-angel.  Just like with Vallie, I knew I couldn't overlook it anymore when I came home and Gerani did not meet me at the door.  I found her on her bed and I knew immediately that I needed to take her to the vet.  I called and got her an appointment immediately.  It was Monday June, 24th at about 4:30pm.

At the vet, the doctor looked at her gums and immediately knew they didn't look good.  He told me they would do x-rays and he had to be honest that they were looking for cancer, that dreaded c-word.  I told him that I hoped it wasn't because if it was I would just freak out.  This will be the last time I go to the vet by myself.

Within five to ten minutes, the doctor was back and I immediately knew it wasn't good because Gerani wasn't with him.  He put a syringe on the counter in front of me and as soon as I saw that it was full of blood I knew this was it.  The world got a little fuzzy.  He told me that Gerani was bleeding internally.  Her abdomen was full of blood from a perpetrated tumor on her spleen.  My ears began ringing.

Cancer... and it wasn't good.  Cancer kills so many Goldens because they are prone to it but also because they just want to please their owners so much that they don't let on to any discomfort or pain.  Besides Gerani slowing down, I never would have guessed she was in any pain.  She loved working and pleasing me so much.  Still, I did know that something was wrong.  I asked the doctor that if I had brought her in earlier, would the prognosis have been better.  The answer was no.  By the time Hemangiosarcomas, cancer of the spleen, is diagnosed, there really isn't anything anyone can do.

I was just in so much shock that my beautiful and perfect girl had cancer.  But it just kept getting worse.  I had three choices.  Either take her directly to the emergency vet and start blood transfusions to prepare for surgery in the morning.  It would be major surgery to remove the tumor on the spleen and repair it as well as explore for any other tumors if the cancer had spread.  By the time of diagnosis, it is very very rare that the cancer hadn't spread to other organs.  Because it was such a major surgery and Gerani had already been bleeding internally, as well as her age, it would be extremely hard on her.  There was a good chance that Gerani would not make it through the surgery.  Even if she did, it would only give her another 6 months at the most.  Or I could opt out of surgery and do nothing.  Eventually Gerani would pass away.  That horrified me because essentially she would be bleeding to death.  There was no way I could choose that.  The last choice was to take her home one last time, spend a goodbye night with her then let her go peacefully.

No one should have to hear those choices.  I was sitting there by myself, just weeping with complete helplessness and shock.  I just kept thinking "Gerani is so perfect.  This can not be happening to her.  She's always there, no matter what.  This can not be happening to her."  I needed someone there with me but I couldn't reach anyone.  Finally my mom called me back and I'm sure she couldn't understand a word I was saying to her because I was sobbing.  I just told her to come to the vet.

By the time she got there I knew what I had to do.  Surgery was too risky.  I would never forgive myself if she passed away on the table without me, alone and exposed.  Also, as much as I hate that in this world it has to be a consideration, I couldn't afford to do the surgery if it wouldn't be a cure.  I would never forgive myself if I selfishly took her home to slowly bleed to death just because I couldn't let go.  I knew what I was going to do.

I took Gerani home that night.  She got to relax, lay around, snuggle with me and enjoy steak and Noodles & Co mac and cheese.  Anyone who knew her, knows just how much she loved that.  My family came by to say goodbye to her and it meant a lot to me.  That night, I slept on the floor with her, just to be close to her.  The next morning, I said goodbye.  I won't say any more about that because it is too painful.  Just know she passed away in my arms, surrounded by love and peace.  I know Vallie came down to meet her and they crossed the Rainbow Bridge together.  As horrible and painful as it is for me, she's happy and at peace.  And I know I will see her again.  Until then, she's the angel on my shoulder and I have a lifetime of wonderful memories of her.

I put together this video that really catches how I feel about my time with Gerani.  I have yet to watch it without tearing up.

The song playing is "See You Again" by Carrie Underwood.  I know I will see Gerani again someday.  I am not interested in going to heaven if the animals we've loved in our lives are not there.

Exercising!

I'm spending this Sunday mostly at work.  I went for a run this morning and it kind of hurt but I managed 3.52 miles.  Ran from my house almost all the way down to Uintah St.  I am still really loving this Zombie app.  It does a good job easing you into it and making sure you're not running for too long without acknowledgement.  This week I was doing a regiment of 5 minute walk, 5 minute run, 1 minute run/1 minute walk/10 knee lifts (repeating those walking and running drills 5 times), 8 minute run, 2 minute stretching and then another 8 minute run.  For some reason today I had a stitch in my side but I worked on my breathing and ran through it.  I'm pretty proud of myself.  I was going to take today off of running but yesterday Kathleen and I went out to run and there was a 10k going on using our trail.  So I skipped yesterday and ran today instead.

Tomorrow I get to rest then I start my next running regiment.  I will be doing 5 minutes walking, 5 minutes running, 10 knee lifts/1 minute slow walk/1 minute fast walk (repeat 5 times), 1 minute walk/ 30 second run (repeat 5 times), and 15 minute run.  That's going to be fun.  I hope the story continues to be good.

I bullied Kathleen into running too because my goal is to hike a 14er.  I know she would love hiking a mountain so I bullied her into getting into shape so she can do it with me.  We'll see.  If she decides she doesn't want to then I'll be hiking this mountain alone.  I guess I can bully Geoff into hiking with me if worst comes to worst.

Went out and saw RIPD last night and it was actually pretty good.  I thought maybe it would be too much like a Men In Black throwback but it was cute on its own.  Ryan Renolds is a good looking guy let me tell you.  Then we went out for ice cream at iTopit.  It has been a while since I've been there.  That place always makes me feel like a child again, happily clutching my bowl and dazzled by all the toppings.  Good times.  

You know what sucks about Sunday?  I don't have it off.  I really should get dressed and get ready for work.  Blah.  Don't want to work at the location I am at today.  It's so whiny up there.  Oh well.  It's a paycheck right?  I should be grateful for the work.  That's what I need to keep telling myself.

Renaissance Festival!

It's that time of the year again!  Time to go to the Renaissance Festival!

I love it up there and one of these days I'm going to buy myself and Renaissance outfit.  Only thing holding me up is that they are expensive and where else would I wear it?  I swear, why did clothes like that go out of style?  The clothing is so much more expressive and alive than clothes these days.  I want to do a steam punk pirate look or something.  Because I'm that cool!

Anyway, Kathleen and I went up there and I'm pretty proud to say that she said this one was one of the better Renaissance Festivals she's been to.  Way to go Colorado!  It is big and there is pretty much everything you could want to do up there.  Granted I don't usually want to see very many shows up there because some of them are just stupid.  Potty humor just isn't funny.  We did see a fire breather though.  That guy was pretty cool.  I wonder how his parents felt when he told them he wanted to be a professional fire breather haha.  I don't think my parents would be on board for that.



We did some shopping.  I usually get some kind of pottery.  My favorite booth where I used to get a mug or something every year is really cutting back on what she makes which is disappointing.  I loved them.  So I went to my other favorite vendor but instead of getting a mug I got a center piece for my table.  It's a vase to hold flowers and It's a cool design.

Every year I also get a piece of jewelry.  This year I got a double knot ring.  Very pretty!

So all and all I think it was a successful day.  Back to the real world tomorrow sadly.

Happy Birthday America!

This is a great country.  I love this country.  I don't understand people who aren't patriotic and who don't understand how lucky we are to live here and enjoy such wonderful freedoms.  I am proud to be an American!  God bless the USA!

This year, crazily enough, CS had fireworks.  You wouldn't think that we'd have them because of two bad fires in the last two years.  But we got a lot of rain recently which has been incredible so I guess the fire danger was lower.  Still no personal fireworks but there were four shows for us to enjoy.  Kathleen and I drove up the hill on Fillmore and were surprised to see the fireworks at Garden of the Gods go off.  I thought they were canceled but it was a nice little show.

Of course there are some idiots out there that were setting off bottle rockets.  I did call the cops on them and I hope people got arrested.  Selfish asshole people.  Several pops went off in my neighborhood and next thing I know is Whitman is in bed with me trying to occupy the same space as me.  He's never had fireworks or noise phobia before but he has had issues with anxiety since losing Gerani.  That must be his way of mourning her.  Just going to suck next year.

Anyway, happy Independence Day!  Hope you all had great ones.