Adios 2012

Happy New Year!

Almost...

I don't really understand the whole celebrating a new year quite so much.  I mean, whoever came up with this calender just picked this as the end and tomorrow as the beginning.  Really it's just another day.  I guess people need structure to view the world and their lives.

I'm also not huge into New Years resolutions.  No one keeps them so why bother.  But of course then again it is good to analyze your life and see what you would like to change.  You should be doing that all year around but again, people need a reason to step back and look at themselves.  It's just too hard to be expected to do that every day.  Cynical?  Probably.

Alright alright alright...  I'll stop being cynical for a moment and take some time to reflect on the past year.  Been a strange one.  Lots of changes but mostly exhausting.  Maybe that's causing my cynical attitude.  I left LD.  That was a good change.  I finally held myself responsible for being miserable there and did something to change it.  Although the job I have no is pretty dull and not close to my heart, I am very grateful to have one.  The health insurance has been good too.  I got certified as a trainer.  I feel wonderful about that.  Lots of hard work went into that and I really felt Vallie looking over my shoulder on that one.  Thanks girl!  And I bought a house.  Granted that is as much a nightmare as it is a blessing at this point.  Mostly because I hate remodeling and it's hard for me to see past that.  It was a lot more work than I thought it was going to be.  Of course, when it is finished and I actually get to live there I'll be much more grateful.  Hopefully that happens sooner rather than later.  Yeah I need to devote more time and energy to it.

When looking back on the last year it is hard for me to see past the last couple months.  I have been exhausted and extremely unorganized these past couple of months.  I think it is clouding my outlook on the whole year.  I've had time off that I was supposed to use to get refocused and organized but that didn't happen, of course.  I did a lot of sitting on my ass and sleeping.  Instead of making more rejuvenated it has made me more exhausted.  Not a good thing really.

So I guess if I'm pressed I'll make these "resolutions":

• Stop being lazy and do what needs to be done.
• Finish the remodel.
• Exercise!

We'll see.  I hope 2013 is another year I can look back on and see some things I'm proud of.


Anywho, will be trucking off to a party with some friends tonight.  Game nights are always much appreciated and fun.  Made some snacks and jello shots.  Should be fun.

Goodbye 2012, I knew thee well!

Merry Merry Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I certainly had a merry one.  Although I haven't been into the holidays as much this year as I usually am, I always love Christmas.

Super special this year because we had a WHITE CHRISTMAS!  Amazing!  It is much more likely to snow on Easter than it is on Christmas here so it was lovely to wake up to.  You know me and snow; we have a love love relationship.

Christmas morning!

So we had a small quiet Christmas this year.  Everyone was home which is such a blessing.  The big thing I got this year was a dishwasher.  Ah it's funny how when you get older your presents get a lot more practical but no less exciting.  I told my parents that I would never again live in a house without a dishwasher.  Now I won't have to.  Thank the Lord!  I loved seeing everyone open my presents.  Always great!  It was a wonderful quiet morning.

My grandparents flew in which is a big deal because normally we go out there to visit family.  I'm sure my grandpa thought he was freezing to death here as he often can be found wrapped in an electric blanket down in FL.  He enjoyed seeing the deer at least though.  Neither of them are in the Colorado mindset that we don't want the deer in the yard because they were out there feeding them.  My mom is going to have a time getting rid of them now.  Guess I can lend her Gerani for a couple of days.

Went and saw the Electric Safari at the zoo with Caitlin the other day.  First time I had ever been surprisingly.  Not surprisingly, I had a great time.  I love the zoo and if you mix that with Christmas lights I'm on board.  Very pretty though I don't envy them the job of putting them up or taking them down.  Caitlin and I had fun and yes I made her ride the carrousel.  What's the fun in life if you don't let your inner child out every so often?  So what if people look at you like you're a big nut.

Here are some more Christmas pictures!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!

Hypocrisy in the media

Hypocrisy in the media.  I find it hard to believe that no media outlet reported this considering the current debate on gun control going on.  Of course, to report this we would have to assume the media is unbiased.  Which is laughable honestly.

Anyway, on December 17th a man entered a restaurant/theater complex in San Antonio and shot his ex-girlfriend dead.  He then went through the restaurant to the theater to shoot more people.  Why wasn't there a higher body count?  Because an off duty officer at the theater had a concealed gun.  She shot him, wounding him, before he could kill more people.  I'd call her a hero.  She prevented what could have been another mass theater shooting.

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.  If you take away all the guns from the good guys that doesn't mean the bad guys are going to follow the rules.  You can bet they are still going to get guns.  Bad guys don't follow the law.

I'll be getting my concealed carry at the beginning of the year.  I hope to God I never have to use it but it is better to be prepared than not.

Local News article
Ignored in the Media

Mayan Prophecy

I think it is safe to say that the world is not going to end.  The Mayans got it wrong.  They probably got bored of transcribing on their rock and just quit.  Either they didn't have any idea that it would freak people out or they were counting on it, those sneaky Mayans.

Course, they didn't see the Spanish coming so how reliable can they be really?

Hope none of you out there drained your bank accounts and took off to glorious destinations for the end of the world.  You're going to look silly tomorrow.

As for me worrying about the end of the world, my thought is why bother?  We'll probably get taken out by some massive asteroid and never see it coming.  Since I'm not Bruce Willis and can probably not nuke the crap out of asteroids, I'm just not going to worry about it.

Sadness

I've been avoiding posting for the last couple of days.  The topic I want to talk about is, once again, incredibly hard to fathom and accept.

Last Friday, December 14th, a young man entered Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT with a rifle .  He then killed 20 first graders and 6 staff members.  Earlier that morning he had killed his mother in their home.  Details are still unfolding about what actually happened that horrible morning and I fear that we will never know exact details and we will never understand why.

This sick and evil young man killed his mother while she slept.  He smashed the hard drives on the home computers then loaded the car with her firearms and drove to the nearby elementary school.  I can't imagine how someone could set their feet on a path that planned to massacre innocent children.  Because yes, this was a plan.  He knew what he wanted to do.  He did not just snap.  If he'd just snapped he would have gone on a shooting rampage around the neighborhood.  He thought about this.  That can be seen in the destroying of the computers.  There must have been something on them to hint as to why he chose to do this.  It's just terrible.  He must have known society could never condone shooting children at school so any excuses he might have had on those computers would never be enough.  He must have known society would condemn him to hell where he belongs.

He drove to the school and forced his way in.  The office staff tried to stop him.  The principal was killed lunging at him.  Someone in the office managed to turn on the intercom system so that the rest of the school would know what was happening and know to hide.  A custodian also ran the halls yelling that there was a shooter and everyone should hide.

The shooter then went to two first grade classrooms and killed teachers and students alike.  Little kids, 6 to 7 years old, gunned down.  I feel sick thinking about it.  No child should be murdered so coldly.  I just... There aren't words.  That is why I have put off this update because there is nothing anyone can say about the murder of children to justify it, make it better or say anything to capture the memories of their beautiful lives cut short.  There are no words.

I feel for those lives lost.  I feel for the families who are going I to the holidays with so much pain and loss in their hearts.  I feel for the community left reeling and struggling to come to terms with their new identity.  I hope though that this does not come to define them.  I hope healing comes to everyone involved. This horror should define NO ONE but the sick young man who picked up a gun to kill.

It feels like it has been a hard year.  There has been so much loss and horror this year.  Innocent people becoming victims.  It is hard to focus on anything else.  It is always the horrible events that shock us and grab our attention.  But that's not the way it should be.  I want to quote Mr. Rogers here: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'” ~ Fred Rogers.

That is what I would tell my child, if I had one.  But that's what everyone should be doing.  We should all be looking for the helpers:  The heros that give their lives to protect others in the seconds they have to act.  The people who rush toward danger to save others.  Those who offer comfort and strength.  The world is full of people who are good at heart and care deeply.  Selfless and good acts happen everyday.  We should not allow ourselves to only see the bad things.  To do so would not do justice to those good people out there.  One evil person should not take away the power of many good people.  We just have to remember to look for them and to remember.

~ ~ ~
 
 Once again we find our society debating why these evil things happen.  Why do evil people kill the innocent so horribly and destroy so many lives?  I think we are frustrated and frightened that there is no answer.  So, since we're unable to find an answer, we turn our frustration to other debates.  I am going to talk about my views on gun control and what needs to be done to make sure these things don't happen again.  If you don't want to know don't read from here on.  My views are not meant to offend anyone.

First of all, I think that people that get all outraged about guns because of shootings are a little bit like ostriches with their heads in the sand.  Just because a handful of people get a gun and use it to do something so evil does not mean that guns should be banned.  Yes, guns are instruments that are meant to kill.  That is what they do.  But it is a person that pulls that trigger.  That person could be ignorant.  That person could be mentally ill.  That person could be evil.  Either way, a person pulls the trigger.  So the problem is the underlying reasons why people pick up guns and kill each other, not the gun.

I am against hard gun control.  Maybe it should be more difficult to get a gun and the screening should be more intense, yes.  However, just saying no more guns is not going to make them go away.  Heroin, cocaine, meth and other horrible things are illegal yet they are still out there and relatively easy to get.  Making guns illegal is just going to make law abiding citizens not able to get guns.  You think the criminals or the mentally ill are going to care that it is against the law to have a gun?  No.  They're going to get one.  The genie is out of the bottle and there is no putting it back.  Guns are here to stay.  And yes, I am going to buy one.  Yes, I will have a concealed carry permit and by God I am going to have a gun on me.  That is my right.  Does that mean I'm going to start shooting people?  No.  But the best thing to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

I'm not saying everyone should run out and buy guns now but I think that everyone should be comfortable with a gun so if something were to happen you know what to do.  EVERYONE should be able to pick up a gun and know what to do with it whether that is defend yourself or those you love, or to make sure that that gun is no longer dangerous.  I bet that over half of the people in the USA don't have any idea what to do with a gun or to even safely see if it is loaded and ready to fire.  That's frightening to me.

It is also horrible that the guns used to kill those kids at Sandy Hook were not his.  They were his mother's guns.  If you own a gun.  If it is your gun you should be 110% positive that you are in control of that gun at ALL TIMES!  Your gun should not be available to anyone else ever.  If it is my gun, I need to know it is safe whether or not I am holding it.  That is my responsibility.  That means that when it is not in use, I have it in a place that only I can get to.  When I buy my guns, I am going to get a safe that opens only to my fingerprints.  No one should be able to get a hold of my guns and use them to do horrible things.  Never.  I think responsible gun ownership is WAY more important than a gun ban.  Bans never work.  Education does.  (Crazily enough this is exactly the same on stupid laws like BSL.  Pit bulls aren't the problem.  The culture of pit bull owners and bad owners is.)

Gun control should mean let's control who gets guns better, not let's get rid of guns.

And I think, more important than gun control is the state of mental illness in our society.  Mental illness is such a black topic and gets swept under the rug WAY too often.  Yes sometimes it is uncomfortable to talk about because it is hard to understand.  But the more we don't discuss it the more mentally ill people go without proper care or treatment.  That is dangerous to them, the people around them and society.  TREATMENT is needed.  Right now, the only treatment for mentally ill people who act out in society is jail.  It is incredibly hard to get someone committed against their will and the majority of mentally ill people have no where to go to get the help they need.  I was really moved by this article:

Mental illness

The problem is never going to get solved until we dig down and discuss these hard topics.  Maybe if Adam Lanza had gotten proper care and help, this would not have happened.

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I love my dog... I love my dog.. I love my dog...

Whitman is really trying my patience.  Really.  I wanted to strangle him this morning.  And again this afternoon.  He's really lucky he has such a good grovel face.

Whitman woke me up three times last night.  Once to pee, once just because, and once to throw up everywhere.  After both he and Gerani sick all weekend, he decided he wanted to get in the trash last night.  I was worried he'd be sick again but of course, nothing until 4:00 AM.  Why do they always have to get sick in the middle of the night after getting into something?  So after a very grumpy me cleaned up his throw up, he spent the rest of the night locked in the bathroom.  Where he again, threw up.  ...And laid in it.  Oh and he got into the bathroom trash.  I don't get it!  He never gets into the trash.  Now twice in 12 hours.  GAH!

I didn't have time to clean him and the bathroom in the morning.  So I locked him in the kitchen while I went to work until I could come get him at lunch for his bath appointment.  He smells absolutely disgusting by the way.  Dog throw up smell is probably one of the worst out there.

So I rush home to pick him up so I can take him to LD for a bath to find that he broke out of the kitchen and spend the morning throwing up and leaving those long lines of yellow bile everywhere.  Gag.  So I'm already late for the grooming and I have to spend more time cleaning up after him.  Thank God I have a rug cleaning machine or else I think my brother would kill him.  My brother may still kill him.

My dogs very rarely throw up and get sick like this.  But since I moved in with my brother, they've thrown up over 10 times.  Always on his carpet.  They're just seeing how long it takes before my brother kills them or murders me in my sleep.  I owe him a professional carpet clean when I move out.  Again, luckily I have the carpet machine so I can get all spots up.  Still though.  They're like, we're living as guests at Uncle Geoff's house so let's get all the throwing up we can into these couple of months.

Thank God he's getting a bath today because I can't take him smelling like throw up.  I keep smelling it on me even though I've washed my hands 6 times.  GOD!  I just want this day to be over so I can go home WITHOUT a dog throwing up so I can get some decent sleep.  So help me if he gets into something again I may need several Whitman free days.  He's working my last nerve.

Untitled Piece

Well December is here and yes I'm a couple of days late.

I didn't get through National Novel Writing Month.  It was just too much with everything I had going on.  But I did start something that has been in my head for a long time.  It's a rather rough start but I wanted to post it so I don't forget it.  Someday I'm going to flesh this out into a novel.  For now, it is the very beginning of an untitled piece.

Untitled

Many wonderings

I haven't been doing a whole lot lately other than working and working on my house.  We're trying to get it up to snuff before an inspection on Monday of the construction loan.  Let's see, the heat went in and they were able to get a furnace in downstairs and run ducts up to the ceiling.  We need to enclose those ducks but I'm glad that they were able to get vents in.  Painting is ongoing.  The blue trim on the house is now becoming dark green.  I love it!  Can't wait for that to be done.  The new windows are in and the plumbing is mostly done.  I need to get some pictures and post them.  I just haven't gotten around to that.  A house down the street sold for almost double what I paid for mine so that's good to know.  If I can get this all fixed up and nice I should be able to make some money off of it.  That's not the point but that's good to know for sure.

In other news my phone stopped taking a charge and died.  Then one night it half charged so I spent the weekend jealously guarding my phone battery.  It always seems when suddenly you aren't able to use something like your phone, all of the sudden you need to make all these phone calls and check your email.  Being disconnected sucks.  What sucks more is when you lay down several hundred dollars for insurance and then when you go to use it you're told you don't have any insurance on your account.  Such bullshit because I did buy it and found the receipt to prove it.  Anyway, so I called them to say I needed another phone on Thursday I think it was and the guy told me that I could either spend several hundred dollars for another phone, be out of luck until April when I get my upgrade or buy a phone on eBay.  Talk about good customer service.  So Friday I called again and I was very pissed.  The guy explained to me that Verizon contracts insurance out to other companies so that there was no way for him to get to the insurance that I had purchased so I would have to contact the other company.  Then he couldn't tell me what that company was.  That's when I got mad and pretty much told him that it was their responsibility to honor any insurance that they sell in their store.  He folded like paper and sent me a phone for no charge.  I was so angry at them.  They just try to cheat people.  Anyone not paying attention would have been screwed there.  And for those of us who don't have any other phone besides the cell phone, it's not like we can go much longer than a couple of days without that phone.

The new phone came when I was at home for lunch but of course it takes forever to get a new phone organized the way you like it.  Now suddenly my Simcard isn't reading properly in the new phone so after work I am going to go in and make them fix it.  And heaven forbid anyone is mean to me I still have a lot of pent up poor customer service rage so they better watch it.  Normally I am very nice to people in customer service because I know what it's like to deal with problem people who are just assholes regardless.  But when I feel like someone is trying to pull a fast one on me I get rather grumpy.

Top it off I got a flat on Saturday morning.  Luckily it was at home and my phone had just enough charge to call my brother-in-law to help me fix it.  Yes I know how to change a flat.  I just physically do not have the strength to do it.  So I had to take my car in to get the snow tires put on (wishful thinking probably) and get the flat tire patched up.  Sadly, that meant I couldn't go to the mountains and chop down my Christmas tree like my family always does.  I hated missing that tradition.  But my parents brought a tree back for me.  I haven't decorated it yet but when I do it will actually start feeling a little bit more like Christmas.

I love seeing Christmas lights everywhere.  It just makes me so happy.  Though I have to say I HATE the big inflatable decorations.  They are so ugly!  Please, just don't put a giant inflatable Santa in your yard because it just makes me want to pop it, which isn't very Christmasy of me.  I've been listening to Christmas carols as much as possible.  Bing Crosby is the king of Christmas if you ask me.  I'll probably decorate the tree with White Christmas playing.  I love everything Christmas.  Most of my shopping is done too so that's nice.  More time I can spend working on my house/

Anyway, that's a good post for now.  I keep meaning to post then other things get in the way.  Like sleep.

Give Thanks!

Happy Thanksgiving! 

 Now I will admit it isn't my favorite holiday because I don't like to stuff myself, but it is good to remember what we are thankful for.  Over the past month I have seen people posting what they are thankful for and I have my own things I'm thankful for.

I am thankful for:

• My mom.  For all her hard work to help me in my life.
• My dad.  For helping me remodel my house.  I would never have been able to do that plumbing myself.
• My sister, Caitlin.  For giving me the best advice and being someone I can always talk to.
• My brother-in-law, Jak.  For being generous and always amusing.
• My older brother, Geoff.  For giving me a place to live even though I cramp his style.
• My younger brother, Riley.  For never ceasing to amaze me and making me proud I'm not the only English Literature major.
• My girl, Gerani.  For wearing her heart on her sleeve and teaching me to slow down and love.
• My boy, Whitman.  For always making me laugh and for all his darling personality.
• My kittenface, Theo.  For being my snuggle muffin.
• My best friend, Kathleen.  For being my second half and loving me just the same.
• My best friend, Caitlin.  For being my oldest friend, best roommate and incredible travel buddy.
• My LD friends, you know who you are.  For finally making me feel like I have a group to belong to and who I can be myself with.
• My LD partner, Astrid.  For being someone I can geek out with.
• My mentor, Angie.  For giving me something to inspire to and for helping me find the right path to get where I want to go.
• My extended family.  For giving my family the greatest foundation.
• My personal strength.  I am thankful for being who I am and having the strength to be okay with that.
• My day job.  I am thankful to have one and that I can support myself.
• My training job.  I am thankful to be realizing my dream a step at a time.
• My rescue work.  For doing my part to change the lives of dogs in need.
• This great country.  For being a citizen of one of the greatest countries in the world.  I am also thankful for all the soldiers that fight for it.
• For all the small things that I can never remember but that I am thankful for everyday.

I hope you all have an incredible meal with the people you love.  Take a minute to think of the things you are grateful for.

Shooting!

So way back on my birthday, I asked for a gift certificate to a pistol course.  It has been in my mind for a long time that as a small single woman living alone I want to own and safely handle a gun.  Not just that, but I think that everyone should be able to safely pick up a gun and know how to safely handle it regardless of if you are going to fire it or not.  Also, I want to be able to carry a gun concealed if I ever need to.

Well my parents got me a gift certificate to Paradise Sales, a local gun shop that runs a really good pistol course.  Way way back when I called them to set it up but then my sister and brother-in-law wanted to come too so I had to cancel and reschedule for a class that still had three openings.  That ended up being the class this month.  Honestly it kind of crept up on me.  I thought it was this coming weekend instead of last weekend so I was not prepared when they called me to confirm.  I feel extremely unorganized right now and it is wreaking havoc for me.  Living out of boxes for months on end is very hard.

Anyway, so the course lasts about 25 hours over the weekend starting on Friday night.  It is designed for people who know nothing about guns to come in and learn about pistols from the bottom up.  You learn the parts and how both a revolver and semi-auto work.  You learn about ammo.  You learn about how to handle a gun.  There is a section about law too.  Then you are fitted for a gun if you don't already have one.

I knew I needed a fairly small gun because I have small hands.  So I first got fitted with a Bersa Thunder.  Very cool gun.  But I found out that I have a hard time shooting it as a double action, which is what they want you to practice with.  The Bersa was just this side of being too big for my hand so I had to reach for the double action trigger.  Then because I have a bad trigger finger from a bad break as a child, it got really stiff after a while.  My finger doesn't straighten real well and it doesn't curl all the way down very well either.  So after a while of dry firing the double action my finger started to tighten up.  It made it curl just right naturally that my finger kept resting inside of the trigger guard, which is a big no in handgun safety.  So I needed a gun that had a little bit of an easier trigger for me to handle.  I went down to a SIG 238.

We spent all of Sunday at the Cactus Flats range down south.  So much fun.  We started the day doing a round robin, where you fire all these different types of handguns, rifles and shotguns.  A lot of the handguns are too big for my hands to shoot as a main gun but it was a lot of fun.  I do prefer the semi-autos to the revolvers.  The rifles were a lot of fun too, especially the AK-47.  I also shot all the shotguns.  They had a 10, 12 and 20.  Most of the women my size shot from the hip on the bigger shotguns but I think they're so much fun that I shot from the shoulder.  They weren't that bad.  The one I had the most trouble with were the flint-lock rifles.  I shot them very last and my arms were already killing me.  Those suckers are heavy but a lot of fun.  And I hit the gong, which was satifying.

After the round robin we spent the second half of the day shooting our own chosen guns.  I really really like the SIG 238.  I am fast on my trigger pull so I tend to jerk down just a bit because I have a hard time slowly squeezing my bad trigger finger.  So that is something I will have to really practice.  Hopefully with a lot of practice my finger strength will get better and I'll actually have better use of the finger.  It was a really great time and they have you work one on one with an instructor the whole time so you really learn a lot.  At the very end of the day we all shot for our concealed carry qualifications.  I qualified with flying colors.  So now this coming Friday we're going to take the test and after that I can go to the Sheriff's office and get my concealed carry permit.  After that I'm going to buy my first gun.

I think I am going to come out of this with three guns total.  The SIG 238 for my carry gun, a bigger 22 for my target gun and a shotgun for my home.  This could get really expensive really fast.

This is the SIG 238 I want.  Pretty pretty!

Anyway, don't mess with me because pretty soon I can have a gun on me.

Good times!

I hope Karma gets you.

I have a lot to post about.  This was a very busy wild weekend.

However, the main thing I want to post about at the moment is how people are not my favorite thing right now.  In fact, people suck most of the time.  It is exactly why I am a dog person and prefer them to almost every other person out there.

Some people are just plain old assholes and I really hope Karma hurries it up and bites them in the ass.  I feel this way about a lot of people right now.

At this moment if someone asked me to do anything for them I would say no.  I do not want to go out of my way to someone when they're just going to take advantage and screw me over.  So no, I am not going to go out of my way for someone for a while.  I'm burnt out.

So maybe it would be wise for people to leave me alone this week as much as possible.  I need a vacation from human drama and the crap that goes along with it.

Not in a good mood and that's my piece.  If you feel like you're not one of those people who this is directed at then maybe approach me slowly and offer chocolate.

Thoughts on Religion

Here's a hot topic for you: Religion.  It's one that a lot of people get upset over and influences a lot of other hot topics like abortion or gay rights.  It is very important to some people and not so much to others.  For many though, it is a sensitive subject.

I've been thinking about religion these past couple of days.  I'm not sure what really got me going, probably the several religious posts on Facebook I see everyday.  So I've been meaning to do a post on my thoughts about religion.  If you aren't interested in my honest opinions then stop reading now.  This post isn't meant to offend anyone, just my honest thoughts.

I come from a very religious family.  I have a large Irish Catholic family on my mom's side and the majority of my family members attended or are attending Catholic schools, especially when I was little.  Most of my family lives in the St. Louis area and when I was growing up, my immediate family was the only one outside of that area as I grew up in Colorado.  We went to church when I was growing up.  I did Sunday school, went to several confessions and did first communion as a child.  It wasn't as important in my life as my extended family's lives but it was there when I was growing up.  I just never remember it really sinking in.  Religion was more of this idea more than a power in my life.  The Bible was just a collection of stories that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me rather than a holy book.  I remember doing confession and just being extremely uncomfortable and unsure of what to do in that situation.  Church was always something I had to do, not something I was invested in.  Honestly I think I went without complaint, most of the time, because there were donuts afterward and that was the only time ever that I got to have donuts.  See, bribery works.  At least to get your kids to physically do something.

As I got older, I started thinking about what I was being told in church.  I realized that I wasn't a believer; I was just going through the motions because that is what you did.  By the time I was in high school I had done my own hard thinking about religion and decided that it was not for me.  In fact, I was often times offended by the Church and didn't want to participate anymore.  It was a point of contention between my mom and I. She wanted me to continue with it and get confirmed.  Confirmation was the last thing I wanted to do because I didn't want to participate in the Church anymore.  Pettily enough, I was also mad that the Confirmation retreat for our church would take place over my 16th birthday and that was not the party I had envisioned.  Finally I struck a deal with my mom that I would go through with Confirmation without complaint but from then on out religion was my choice and I would be free to make that choice.  So I got confirmed.  Then I worked on really thinking about what my beliefs were.

Over many years, here is my thoughts on religion.

I don't believe in God.  I think the concept of a God is too unknowable and too big of a stretch for the human mind.  If there is a God, there is no way for me to comprehend it.  So, I consider myself Agnostic rather than Atheist   Because I can't say either way what created the universe or mankind or whatever.  I am just one tiny dot in the middle of it and I can't see beyond my own limitations and that's okay with me.

I don't believe in organized religion.  There are times when I've felt spiritual and moved and it is those moments that keep the possibility of something larger at work alive to me.  However, I don't believe that some organization that was made up hundreds upon hundreds of years ago should dictate to me how I should feel spiritual in my life.  I feel that organized religions are more about control and exclusion of those who are "other" rather than acceptance and worship.  The ideas that drive the large religions are outdated for the world we live in and often offensive.  I will not take part in a religion that is based on making a certain type of person feel powerful and loved because they worship the right way.  If there is a God or greater being out there, I don't think He/it cares if I cross myself a certain way.  What is more important is that I am a good moral person.  Yes religion can teach you that.  But you can also learn to be a good moral person without religion.

I have decided not to attend mass anymore.  In my family, it is expected that you go to mass when we all get together.  Especially on Christmas.  For the longest time I went because it was the respectful thing to do.  Now however, I feel that it is rather disrespectful for me to go into someone's place of worship, a place that is holy and very important to them, and sit there being bored out of my mind.  I find that is disrespectful of me to treat someone else's choice of worship that way.  So I will be staying home because I don't want to participate in something that means nothing to me or that I outright disagree with.  It cheapens it for the people that do believe and I don't want to do that.

I think that everyone has the right to believe what they want as long as they are not hurting others.  So that means I have the right to not attend mass and you have the right to attend mass.  Win win.  I have a problem when people sit in judgement of others because their beliefs tell them that they are right and the other person is wrong.  I could start a religion worshiping an inanimate object and that may be just as real to me as someone who goes to a church or synagogue or mosque.  As long as I am not hurting anyone then I don't see the problem.

Religion is an expression of something people feel deeply.  Everyone is different so we should have different expressions.  One expression does not necessarily have merit over another.  However, organized religion has been the root of a lot of evil in this world.  Those who believe in something so strongly that they are unable to see past it or are willing to do a lot of harm in its name are dangerous, regardless of what that belief is.  I get sick of hearing people get pissed off because that person believes something different.  When we get too focused on exclusion things get dangerous.  Or when people focus too much on taking religious texts so literal they forget that it was written hundreds and hundreds of years ago and perhaps society has chanced a little since then which means so should beliefs.


So yes, I myself don't believe in any organized religion or God.  But I do believe that everyone has the right to choose for themselves.  That right does not come with judgement of other people because they don't agree.  At some point, you have to agree to disagree and be okay with that.

Free time? What's that?

Things to do.  I've got a lot of them.  Updating my blog seems more fun though.

I went up to Denver this weekend to get a wood burning stove for my house.  Of course, as soon as I get home with the HUGE thing, I find out my aunt is offering me a free gas fireplace.  As much as I want the ambiance of wood burning, a gas fireplace would be more practical.  I wouldn't have to clean it and it would heat the house much better.  Problem is, can I get a gas line put there and can my family truck it to CO from St. Louis when they come to visit?  Dunno.  And of course I have this giant stove I just bought.  So... May resell that one and put in the gas if I can get the gas line put in.

Other house news:

I spent much of this weekend shopping for lighting fixtures.  My mom took me down to the Habitat for Humanity warehouse thing downtown and we got some nice light fixtures down there for a good price.  I got tired of looking at them quickly though, especially because I thought a lot of the lights there were incredibly ugly.  Lots of brass and I think brass looks tacky.  So does everyone else really because they're taking them out of their houses as they remodel.  But I got two fans so that each bedroom can have a ceiling fan and a pretty nice chandelier for the dining room.  Then I trucked off to Home Depot to buy the rest of the light fixtures I needed so that the electrician can finish up.  I am worn out on shopping for lights.  I can only do things like that for so long before I burn out and get to the point where I don't care anymore.  Not the best thing when remodeling a house.

The heat now works.  That means we will be able to work there after the sun goes down.  It was bloody cold in the house so very little work was getting done.  Now that the electricity should be squared away and the heat is on, it will be much easier to work.  Next I just need to get the fence done so I can bring the dogs over while working.  That will make everything easier.

I just want the thing to be done, as I keep saying.  Anyone up for pizza and painting may be taken up on it.


My time this week is pretty much spoken for so I won't get much time to work on the house.  I am working and training almost every night.  Then on Thursday going to Twilight with friends.  Then on Friday I have a rescue meeting then my firearms course starts that evening.  I am so excited for this because it has been a long time coming but man it is going to make for a very long weekend.  It is from Friday at 6am to midnight, Saturday 8am to 10pm, and Sunday 8am to 6pm.  Talk about a crash course.  After this though I'll buy a gun, maybe two.  I want to be able to carry it in my car and have another to keep at home.  That also means getting two solid and easy safes as I do believe in owning a gun in a responsible way.

So although I may not be around on here much this week I'm still plugging away at life.

Maybe not

A lot of things have been bouncing around in my mind.  I've been doing hard thinking on myself these past couple of weeks.  Self reflection is important.  It is important to think about yourself and who you want to be.  It is important to know yourself and respect yourself, even if you're an idiot sometimes.

That's what I'm trying to do.  Inner reflection is really important as long as you don't get lost in it.

I have a lot I want to say but I'm also unsure of how I want to say it.  I'm finding, the problem with a blog is that once it is out there it's out there.  Can't take it back.  I don't know.  I'm in a weird pensive mood.

And I was going to make this a longer post but I find I am not in the mood for it.  So... eh for now.

This, that and the other thing

Okay this is the last thing I am going to say about politics for a long time.  This election has pretty much beat what little patience I had for politics right out of me.

Obama wins.  We get four more years of him.  Honestly, I hadn't paid much attention to him over the last four years so I am hoping he'll just kind of fade into the background.  I did vote and I did not vote for Obama.  Although I agree with many social and cultural things he supports, I thought it was more important to get a strong economy going.  Guess most of America didn't agree.  Though This was a pretty close election based on popular vote.  Can I just say that I don't have any idea how the electoral college works but it seems like a pretty stupid system to me.  I'm sure it serves some purpose but it could also be one of those strange bureaucratic things that don't really make any sense to anyone but it's there because it has always been there.  I hope the country doesn't go too far into debt over the next four years but at least I hope there will be some good social strides made.

And that's all I have to say about politics.  I want all the political signs and ads down.  No one better call me at work anymore to campaign.  Thank God that is over.  I was going to start slapping people here pretty soon.  Now I can go back to just having a general knowledge about politics for the next four years.  Then we'll go through this all again.  That's a drag but at the same time it is an incredible thing.  There are many  many MANY countries all over the world that do not offer that freedom to their people.  We are truly blessed to live in a place that the leadership of our government is so easily and bloodlessly transferred   And hey, you don't like this president, there will be another one in 4-8 years depending on terms.

Oh and if you didn't vote, shame on you!  Seeing how close the popular vote was just goes to show you that your vote does matter.  And if you didn't vote I don't want to hear a peep out of you.  You can't complain, bitch or moan about anything political for the next four years because you did not exercise your civic right to earn the right to bitch.  So hush it!  Me, I do have the right to bitch, complain and moan because I got out there and took 15 minutes to vote.

Okay, political ramble over.  Done and over with.

In other news, the house is trucking right along.  I am so over remodeling though and we aren't even half way done.  Ug.  I feel like I am banging my head against a wall repeatedly.  Mostly I just want to move in.  I am honestly considering doing it before the thing is finished.  That would motivate me to get off my butt and finish it.  I believe the electrician is almost done.  Furnace will go in here soon.  Windows are being done soon.  What else does a girl need really?  Oh right, fence for the dogs.

Spent last Friday in Denver with the LD training crew.  We were up there to attend a dog bite conference with Victoria Stilwell.  Victoria Stilwell, the positive reinforcement trainer from Animal Planet's It's Me or the Dog, is the most incredible person.  She is probably my all time most favorite person in the world.  I either want to hug her because she's so sweet and cute or follow her around in awe of her greatness.  Seriously, someone I very much look up to and if I could make myself like a "celebrity" it would be her.  This is the second I've seen her and I just love her.

Anyway, the conference was actually very very interesting.  It is such an important topic because dog bites do happen and they can be very bad.  I hate the fact that when it does happen though, often times it is the dog that is blamed when really it should be the owner.  Dogs are pretty much what we make of them.  We force them to live in our world, in our society and then we blame then when we didn't show them how to do that.  It is a tragedy that when dog bites do happen it is on children the majority of the time.  I came away from this conference with a new desire to really focus my career on aggressive dogs and the interaction between dogs and children.  It is SO important.  You can mark my words that if I ever have children, God help me if I do, that they will have a very healthy respect for dogs.  As will the children of my siblings.

There were some hard topics discussed.  I was really amazed and wowed by the courage of one couple who spoke to us.  They lost their two year old son to a bite from their family dog six years ago.  It was very emotional and hard to hear but very important that we do hear.  Dogs bite.  We need to be prepared for that and not shy away from that.  Their courage really moved me.  I was also fascinated by the dog bite investigator.  I almost feel like that is what I should be doing because it blends my love of crime and crime solving with dogs.  That would be an incredibly hard thing to do though.  I also need to look up the irresponsible owners law from Georgia and really give that a hard read.  I would like to see something like that passed in every state.

Victoria Stilwell is passionate about dogs and positive reinforcement training.  I love her!

What else?  Oh.  I am very much failing at my attempt to do the NaNoWriMon.  I am probably about 20 pages behind.  I just don't often have time to sit down and write.  That's what I am going to do tonight.  I need to sit down and write about 15 pages to catch up somewhat.  That and fold laundry.  What a night it will be.

Better get back to work so I can leave on time tonight.

NaNoWriMo

Because I don't have anything else to do, I've decided to participate in National Novel Writing Month.  Basically your goal is to write 50,000 words in November.  The idea is to just free write and get your juices flowing and not edit yourself.  Once you write, you don't go back in touch it.  Which for writers is one of the hardest exercises you can put before them.

I've decided to participate because:
One- One of my best friends is doing it and I figure we can cheer each other on.
Two- I am a writer in my soul and I want to bring that more into my life.
Three- I seem to have this deep seated need to be incredibly busy.

I did it once in college and ended up with something that was pretty out there.  Granted I was battling pretty hard depression and insomnia at the time.  I'd like to make this a yearly thing.  It really is a great exercise.  I have lots of ideas of stories rattling around in my head and I need to get them on paper.  What better way?  I'm going into this with pretty much no preparation, just a will to write.  I think that's the most important thing anyway.  We'll see where the words take me.

Word count: 0

Wish me luck!

Double, Double Toil and Trouble

Happy Halloween!

Can you guess that I love Halloween?  Every year it comes around and I swear it is my favorite holiday.  Then Christmas rolls around and I swear that is my favorite holiday.  So I figure we'll call it a draw between Halloween and Christmas.  I have loved Halloween since I was a child.  What is better than dressing up, going out and and getting free candy?  And it is a plus if you get the pants scared off you at least once.  Those houses where you had to go through some kind of Trick-Or-Treating maze or haunted house to get to the candy and then the skeleton next to the candy comes alive and scares you half to death... yeah those were the BEST houses!  Someday, I'll be that house and kids will come from far and wide to Trick-Or-Treat at my house.  Someday.

That being said, I haven't had much luck with Trick-Or-Treaters in the past.  The house we grew up in was not in a suburb and hard for the little kiddies walking around in their masks to get to.  So we only had maybe one or two Trick-Or-Treaters, not that I was there because I was out getting my own candy.  Then went to college and got some at the house in Boulder but not many.  There weren't many kids in the neighborhood.  Then we got more in the house out on Powers.  None in Manitou last year because again it was hard to get to.  So we'll see about this year in my brother's house.  I haven't been able to decorate much so who knows if the kids will come.  It is my fondest dream to have lots of Trick-Or-Treaters.  The jury is out on my new house.  I'm not sure if it is in prime Trick-Or-Treating territory and I won't be able to tell you until next year.

Yeah, this year's Halloween has been kind of a dud.  It saddens me.  I've just been so busy with other things and I'm REALLY not settled so ghoulish celebrations have been put off.  I didn't even have a costume this year which is unheard of.  I have been depressed about that so I've been planning for next year.  No idea on a costume but my house is going to freaking rule, thanks to Pinterest.

Here are some decoration ideas I'll be putting into play next year:

See my Halloween board on Pinterest!

I'll probably start making decorations in July.  Ooo it is going to be so spooky.  And I will have equal fun decorating inside but then I do have the dogs and cat to think about so I can't go completely insane as I can outside.  I'll start buying supplies tomorrow when things are on sale.  You have to think about these things.

And next year's costume will be legendary.  I am very proud of my last two costumes.  Last year we had a Zombie vs Survivor party so I was a survivor.  Specifically I was Zoey from Left 4 Dead.  (You rock if you know the game.) 

 The year before that I was a zombie.  Which I was also very proud of.  Let me note that I did the make up all by myself.

See how much fun Halloween can be?  And what did I do this year?  I carved a pumpkin because it would be horrible not to carve a pumpkin.  Keep in mind that I am not especially skilled in the medium of pumpkin carving so mine came out a bit like a drunk child.  But he'll be out there on the stoop!

Fun fact:  We owe the witches' brew (the one that starts with "Double double toil and trouble) to good old William Shakespeare.  Bet you guys didn't know that.  One reason to like McBeth!  See the witches' brew at the end.

So Happy Halloween everyone!  Get spooky!

from Macbeth

A dark Cave. In the middle, a Caldron boiling. Thunder.

                Enter the three Witches.

       1 WITCH.  Thrice the brinded cat hath mew'd.
       2 WITCH.  Thrice and once, the hedge-pig whin'd.
       3 WITCH.  Harpier cries:—'tis time! 'tis time!
       1 WITCH.  Round about the caldron go;
    In the poison'd entrails throw.—
    Toad, that under cold stone,
    Days and nights has thirty-one;
    Swelter'd venom sleeping got,
    Boil thou first i' the charmed pot!
       ALL.  Double, double toil and trouble;
    Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
       2 WITCH.  Fillet of a fenny snake,
    In the caldron boil and bake;
    Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
    Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
    Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
    Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,—
    For a charm of powerful trouble,
    Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
       ALL.  Double, double toil and trouble;
    Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
       3 WITCH.  Scale of dragon; tooth of wolf;
    Witches' mummy; maw and gulf
    Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark;
    Root of hemlock digg'd i the dark;
    Liver of blaspheming Jew;
    Gall of goat, and slips of yew
    Sliver'd in the moon's eclipse;
    Nose of Turk, and Tartar's lips;
    Finger of birth-strangled babe
    Ditch-deliver'd by a drab,—
    Make the gruel thick and slab:
    Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
    For the ingrediants of our caldron.
       ALL.  Double, double toil and trouble;
    Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
       2 WITCH.  Cool it with a baboon's blood,
    Then the charm is firm and good.

Digital bucket on my head

You know, I used to think I was pretty web savvy.  I'm fairly on top of things and when I'm not I can figure them out by messing around with them.  Lately though it has been revealed to me that the world wide web can clean my clock.  There is so much out there that I have a big question mark over my head about.

As you know I have decided to create another blog devoted to dog training.  This is a personal blog but I want my other blog to be professional and, hopefully, wide reaching.  So whenever I have a few minutes here and there I've been setting up various things for this blog.  During this process I have been rudely reminded that I'm a small fish in a very big pond.  I'm just kind of floundering about like the kid with a bucket on her head running into things everywhere and generally creating mass chaos in my wake.  That is indeed how I feel.

My blog savvy friend has promised to help me but we've both been so busy with various projects that we haven't really connected yet.  That has led me to kind of dive in on my own with very little direction.  I do have my blog set up though it is not beautifuied at all and I refuse to share it or write on it until it is.  I have also spent the morning setting up various other accounts to go with this blog.  So now I have a new email address that has been set up to forward to my main email address.  Check.  I also dove into Twitter and created a Twitter account for the blog because why not do it all right?  It did take me a good half an hour to somewhat customize that Twitter account to a somewhat likeable theme.  I'm sure I went about it the hard and long way but such is the way of a kid with a bucket on her head.  My friend tells me that I should also create a Facebook account but that's where I've run out of steam.  I already have two Facebook accounts, one public and one private.  I shutter to think of being that person with three Facebook accounts, two blogs, Twitter, three active email addresses and a partridge in a pair tree.  That is a lot of digital balls in the digital juggling universe.

I have so wanted to give myself a forum to be a little more involved in dog training.  I need more directions for that career to go in.  Since I have the degree, why not use it to write articles about the subject.  I'm going to be serious about it too.  Some will be opinion articles but some will be researched and cited.  I have about a million topics in mind so that should keep me busy for a while.  I am not going to be posting willy nilly though.  I'll choose a day and post on that day.  Either Monday or Friday maybe.  That way my article is anticipated and I have a week to write them.  I will steer clear of the "oh my dog is so cute!" posts.  Yes my dogs are very cute and I generally obsess about them but I have other forums for that, as you can see above.  The only time I will use more personal stuff is when my personal experience on a topic is the idea.  One such idea I have is about my extremely unmotivated dog and how to deal with that.  Or the health of an aging dog.  Or dog and cat interactions.  Other personal things I'll probably use is my personal journey becoming a dog trainer.  There are a lot of personal aspects I will be using but the idea is that it is a more professional blog.  So I will not be linking these two blogs at all.  People hopefully reading my articles about dog training do not need to read about my pet peeves.

Anyway, I will tell you the name of this blog.  The Midnight Barker.  Get it?  From 101 Dalmatians and the midnight bark.  If you have no idea what I'm talking about you should be ashamed of your Disney knowledge and go watch 101 Dalmatians immediately.  For those of you who are comfortable with your Disney knowledge but still need a little help, the midnight bark is how the dogs share information in the movie.  So there you go, The Midnight Barker.  I think it's pretty clever and totally riding the wave of Disney cool!

BUT... do not go looking for it yet because it isn't ready!  NO CHEATING!

More house stuff

I admit I haven't been able to do too much at the house lately because I've been SO busy.  Maybe a little lazy too.  Though right now it is hard to get much done there because there is no electricity, no heat and no water.  The electrician has his work cut out for him so it is going to take him a couple more days to get the wiring straightened out and the electricity back on.  Everything is kind of waiting on that.  My dad is probably going to redo all of the plumbing because he is amazing.  And then we are getting the furnace in next week.  Good news with that is that they are going to put the furnace in the cellar instead of the ceiling so it is available for maintenance and such.  Vents will go in the ceiling so we'll have the stack against the wall in the living room.  The backyard isn't ready for a fence yet but we're almost there.  The two shacks in the back were demolished and taken down.  The one in the center we kept.  There is a lot of potential with that.  If I can safely get heat out there maybe I'll do an office out there.  Which would be a little strange but hey it's kind of cute.  The new porch looks great and I'm happy we went with concrete over wood because it will last longer.

A couple more pictures:

Porch before

Porch after

Sheds in the back

Goodbye shed on the left

Goodbye shed on the right

I want to add that I got my first piece of mail at the house a little while ago.  A gift from my aunt.  Thank you for the wall stencil Aunt Pam!  I can't wait to put it up.

I just want the house to be done so I can live there already.

CPDT-KA Certified!

I was up early today and it was such a beautiful morning.  Crisp cold air and a light covering of snow.  I was out on the road watching the sun come up and glowing on the mountains.  I'm not a morning person but it was one of those mornings where you just feel peace.  I said that I was just feeling good vibes today.

Work was dull but I got a lot done.  I had an incredible meal planned out by the time I was ready to go home.  I picked up the dogs from daycare (Whitman has been passed out since getting home.  Sleepy boy) and went to get some groceries for my yummy dinner.

What did I have for dinner?  Baked summer vegetables and sweet chicken bacon bites.  Mmmmm.  It turned out wonderful though I did burn my knuckle.  Then for dessert I had a banana smore.  Oh mouth watering.

But the best part of the day?  Coming home to a letter confirming that I'd passed my certification test for my CPDT-KA, which is a knowledge based certification.  Wow that felt incredible.  Just looking down and seeing that  "Congratulations..."  I have wanted this for so long and done a lot of work to get here.  Now I'm certified.  It makes me feel like I have worthwhile and useful knowledge, which I know I have but it makes me feel validated.  It is just an incredible feeling.  I took the test way back in September and tired to put it out of my mind.  I was pretty sure I passed but at the same time what if I didn't?  It was just a lingering thought so I tried to just put it out of mind.  And then my training buddy got her certification and I kicked up the anxiety into high gear.  Thank goodness I only had to wait a day though.

Wow.  I am certified.  I am a certified dog trainer.  Wow.  Congratulations to me.  And to my training buddy!

Justice for Jessica

My phone gets emergency text messages.  Yesterday I was very glad to get a text message saying that there had been an arrest made in Jessica Ridgeway's case.  I've been keeping an eye on the case though law enforcement has been holding their cards close to their chest, as I would expect.  It is good to know they were working hard and took a predator off the streets.

A couple of days ago they announced a link to an attempted kidnapping of a woman jogger in the same area that Jessica was kidnapped in.  So this guy has probably fantasized about taking someone and doing horrible things to them for a while and then made plans to act on it.  His first attempt was not successful.  Thank God that woman fought him off.  However, that probably made him decide to prey on a more helpless victim, an innocent child walking to school.

I eagerly waited for more information after the text message.  I was shocked to see though that this predator was a 17 year old boy.  17 years old and already evil enough to abduct, murder and dismember a child.  There is something so wrong inside of him.  By all accounts I've read though, he hid the evil pretty well.  People seemed to think he was a nice person and very smart.

One thing I think about is how often high intelligence levels come with a catch.  People who are very very intelligent often have social problems or mental illness.  In this case, something very very wrong and evil.  I would really like to know more about him and his life.  Were there any warning signs?  Was his family structure normal or did it contribute to his behavior?  Nature vs. nurture.

It is entirely possible that his family did not wrong and could not have done anything to change him.  Honestly, I do believe some people are just born with something in them that makes them bad.  There are all these studies going on now about is there a genetic link to criminal activity?  In the case of serial killers and psychopaths, I think there probably is one.  Who knows if we will ever identify it or be able to do anything about it.  But in the case of run of the mill criminals, I think that is more nurture over nature.

Anyway, I'm glad they caught him.  I hope that his arrest brings some measure of safety back to the community.  Though he is innocent until proven guilty, I think a lot of people are going to feel safer.  I'm not sure what the family must be feeling.  I'm not sure anyone can until they are in that position and I hope never to be.  Either they're glad that the guy is caught and will be seeing justice or they are dreading the trial where there will probably be facts of the case revealed that no one really wants to know.  I think I would be feeling both if it was me.

I hope they convict him (if he is the guy who did this of course) and he should get a stiff sentence.  I support the death penalty in cases like this.  The death penalty isn't about an eye for an eye.  It is more about there are some people in this world that don't deserve to be a part of it.  We'll see what happens with his trial but I'm glad they got him off the street.  Though since he is under 18 when he committed the murder, the Supreme Court recently ruled that juvenile offenders are not eligible for the death penalty or mandatory life without parole.  I'm not sure how I feel about that in this case.  Can someone who has done something so evil be rehabilitated?  I think there is probably something fundamentally wrong with him that can't be changed.  I'm worried that killing is a part of him and he'll do it again if or when he gets out of jail.  Unsettling.

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Changes changes changes. What to do, what to do?

Life is a crazy thing sometimes.  I feel like I have gone through a lot of changes this past year.  And I guess I have.

• September of last year I signed my first lease on my own in Mantiou.
• Began a housing search that was much more intense than I thought it would be.
• Left my job at LD which was frightening, exciting, regretful and good all at the same time.
• Moved out of Manitou and am now existing in a state of flux.
• Bought a house.
• Slowly remodeling that house.

It's a lot to comprehend.  I don't tend to think my life is all that exciting.  Hollywood won't be making a movie about it any time soon, not even a bad daytime tv movie.  But that doesn't mean that these events aren't huge in my world.

I feel the need to quote one of my all time favorite tv shows now.

"Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are."
~Whistler, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Yes that might be a tad dramatic but it is still a very potent quote.  If life were a stagnant thing it wouldn't be worth living.  Changes, even when they form as bumps in the road, are a part of the world turning and life going on.  You never really know what is going to happen but when those big moments come either you put on your big boy boots and kick ass or you hide under the bed.  I've done my share of both.

So why am I getting all whimsical and philosophical?  One because my brain isn't entirely awake yet this morning and two because I've had another opportunity open up before me.  Whenever I am faced with a big decision like this I always get philosophical and deep.  If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around does it make a sound?

Anyway, the opportunity I find myself looking at is another job.  When I made the decision to get out of LD it was a really hard one.  I was comfortable with my work there, even though I did not agree with the people or who it was run.  I am comfortable working with dogs and I really miss that.  In no way do I wish I had stayed at my position at LD because it was strangling the life out of me.  People have told me I seem much happier now and that's a positive thing if people can notice that.  I walk in for training now and I don't want to burn the place down.  It's a novel feeling that I really missed having.  So no, I don't regret quitting except that I miss the dogs there.  Yeah yeah the job I have now is a good one.  The people here are very sweet and I like them.  My boss is an incredibly nice person.  They have AMAZING coffee machines here.  But... there is no soul here.  I don't know if that makes sense.  But where I sit, I can't see outside.  I never thought that would depress me but it kind of does.  I feel like I'm sitting in a sad little box like those lab mice that don't see anything but white walls.  Working here has really made me relate to Office Space more.  Especially the scene where he knocks down his cubicle wall to see outside and the beating of the fax machine.  And then essentially I do the same thing... everyday.  And it is things that I don't particularly care about and don't interest me.  I've always been the kind of person that if I'm not interested in a topic it is hard for me to apply myself to it.  I'd just really like to get back into working with animals.

Yesterday I was driving to my parents' house to visit with my cat and I happened to drive past my vet's office.  I had been meaning to call them about getting Whitman's teeth cleaned so I rung them up.  They know me as my family has been taking our animals to them since I was a kid.  Dr. Scott is an amazing vet and even saw my CCI dogs for free when they were active.  Whitman is not a huge fan of Dr. Scott but he's a great vet.  When I contemplated leaving LD I decided that I would like to work in a vet's office.  However, since I love my vet so much, it was the only vet office I really wanted to consider.  Only they weren't hiring.  I've been thinking about getting back into the animal field over the past couple of weeks so when I had them on the phone I asked how often they hired.  Turns out, they're hiring now.  What luck!  Course whenever I am faced with a decision like this I go back and forth and worry and stress but honestly, this is a job I have been waiting for.  It would be SO much better to work there than here I think.  So I turned in my resume and I have a job interview tomorrow afternoon over my lunch break.

This would be an amazing opportunity for me.  And honestly, I really hope I get it though I would feel guilty for taking this job and only staying for four months.  Especially since I strong armed them into higher pay than they wanted.  And my sister works here so I don't want to make waves on the way out.  I just always seem to feel like I am letting people down when I do something like this.  For example, when I left managing LD I felt like I was letting my employees down.  But if I do get offered this position I think I will jump for it.  It's a lot of changes all at once but it is good changes.  I'll just have to roll with the punches and try to make it up on my feet.

What else can you do?  Well you all can wish me luck!

Here's another question for you:
If a tree falls in the woods and only a deaf man is there, does it make a sound?