Angels on my Shoulder

I am so thankful for the two angels on my shoulder, Gerani and Vallie.  Although losing them was like losing a piece of my soul I could never get back, having them with me changed who I was for the better and changed the course of my life.  If you know me, you know how I feel about my dogs.  Vallie was my soul mate.  Gerani was such a gentle soul that I got to share with so many people.  They are both blessings.

Love you, Gerani and Vallie!

Memories of Gerani

One of the things that has really helped my process of healing from Gerani's loss is that so many people knew her and loved her.  I feel like I got to share how wonderful she was with a lot of people.  It was almost like she wasn't just my dog but a lot of people's dog.  Still, I am blessed to have been the one to share the most with her.  I have a lot of great memories and little things that bring a smile to my face when I think about them.  I wanted to share some of them with you.

Pieces of Gerani that I want to remember forever:

~Calling her Roni, Ron-Ron or Ron-Ron-Roni-kins.

~How she liked getting her nails done.  She always reminded me of a woman enjoying a pedicure.

~Her sneaky ability to eat Whitman's food.  It's amazing he ate at all.

~How she made me look like an incredible dog owner and trainer.

~Our trip to Lego Land in California and how she grudgingly went on the rides with me.  Really she was much too mature to do kid stuff like that, but she was the only dog that went on every single ride and without getting scared.

~Our trip to the dog beach in California with other CCI dogs.  She would run with the group until they ran into the water.  Then you would see her break off and wait for them to come back out so she could run with them again.  At the end of the day she was the cleanest dog.

~How proud and beautiful she looked when she walked or pranced.  Especially when she'd just been groomed or brushed.

~How, as an older more mature dog, nothing scared her.  Such a transformation from when she was a puppy and a little bit of a nervous nelly.

~Her amazing balance in the car.  Sometimes I would zoom around an on ramp or go on a curvy road just to see her show off her amazing leaning abilities.  Gerani would just leeeeean and then straighten up while Whitman just fell over or slammed into the back of my seat.

~She was also the only dog trustworthy enough to ride in the passenger seat.  She looked very regal.

"Take me where I need to go."

~How, in the car, Gerani would just stick out the very tip of her nose.  Ladies don't hang their whole heads out the window.

~Her maturity and composure.  Sometimes she was even more mature than me.

~In her younger days, she could take on and conquer any other pup in a wrestling match.  No one ever messed with Gerani.

~Her shameless begging for treats from clients and apprentices alike.

~Bullying those apprentices by barking at them.  Or if the apprentice didn't know what they were doing she'd blow them off.  I was constantly saying, "Don't let that Golden Retriever do that!"

~Her paw.  She would paw you for attention.  It was so annoying but I miss that so much.

~How much Whitman loved her.

~Watching her play with Whitman was one of my favorite things.

~But she didn't need Whitman to entertain her.  She would play with her own tail.  As a pup, she would chase her tail.  As an older dog she would sit down and tug on her tail.  She's too smart to chase her tail; she figured out how to catch it!

Before she learned to just sit down and catch her tail.

~How peaceful she looked when she was sleeping.

~How she would lick the floor in the kitchen... even if there wasn't anything on it to lick.  Sometimes she would even lay on the carpet and lick it.

~She would ALWAYS find something soft to lay on.  She would even claw the carpet to make it a little fluffier.

~One of the times that she had me laughing the hardest was the one evening I was washing the dog bed covers.  So I took all the covers off the dog beds and piled up the inserts so that no one would lay on them until the covers were done.  I got distracted for a bit and when I next came downstairs, I found Gerani perched on the top of the pile of dog beds.  No one makes her lay on the floor if she doesn't want to.  It was the funniest thing.

Gerani on the pile of beds looking at me like "What are you looking at?"

~How she was dainty to a fault.  Always a lady.

~Here's a good story:  Gerani was such a well trained dog that I used her to keep an eye on Whitman.  One day when Whitman was a puppy, I took them for a walk around Ice Lake on the Air Force Academy.  Gerani was trustworthy off leash so, for some reason, I decided to tie the leashes together so Whitman was attached to her so he couldn't wander off.  We were walking peacefully around the lake when suddenly Gerani sees a bird out on the water.  The next few seconds happened in slow motion.  Gerani saw the bird and she took off.  There was this second when nothing happened then the leashes snapped and Whitman was yanked off his feet like a cartoon.  There goes Gerani into the water, swimming for that bird.  And there goes my young puppy Whitman getting dragged into the water like dead weight.  I thought for sure I'd just drowned my puppy.  I have never yanked my shoes off so fast so I could go in after them to save Whitman.  To this day, Whitman hates deep water.  Looking back on it now Gerani might have been trying to drown that annoying puppy I insisted she get along with.

~How she was BEST FRIENDS with Vallie and how she mourned for Vallie just as much as I did.

Gerani and Vallie.  My angels.

~How much she hated Whitman when I first brought him home.  He loved her from day one but she wanted nothing to do with him.  He would run after her outside and she'd keep just out of his grasp.  One of the reasons I brought Whitman home was Gerani was mourning Vallie so much that I feared I would lose her too.  Then I was really afraid when I brought this puppy home that she just despised.  But it was wonderful to see how close they grew.  Gerani was Whitman's best friend.

Gerani with Whitman as a brand new puppy.  She's like "oh God why?!"  That's one of the only pictures with her and him as a puppy because she wouldn't let him get near her.

~How every day I left the dogs home alone I would say "Gerani, you keep an eye on Whitman."  And I truly felt better that Gerani was there babysitting him.

~How she was always hungry and was always looking for food.  I couldn't walk through Lucky Dog without her scanning for a snack.  You would think I didn't feed her.

~How, when she got too hot, she would roll over on her back with one of her back legs up so her belly was exposed so she could cool off while she napped.

Ahhh cool belly.

~How even though she was very much a lady, she killed her fair share of field mice and baby rabbits in her day.  I'll never forget looking out the window and seeing Gerani in a field playing with something looking as happy as can be.  I went out there to see what she had and it was a field mouse, poor thing.  She would grab it, throw it high in the air and then pounce on it when it came back down.

~How she had the uncanny ability to go outside in ALL kinds of weather and not get a spot of dirt on her.  Whitman would be caked in mud and Gerani's feet would be pristine.

~How she would never walk through puddles.  She'd either go around or jump over them.

~How as soon as it rained she would start barking to come inside immediately!

~How she would lay down and then kick her left back foot out behind her and sigh.

~The moment I saw that fluffy puppy peering at me through the airplane crate and she was mine.

Awwww!

~The heart wrenching moment I handed her off to a CCI kennel attendant in California and watched her prance away.  I knew she had no idea we may not see each other ever again.

~The anticipation of waiting for a flight attendant to bring Gerani through the Denver Airport, finally coming home to me after being dropped from CCI.  God I remember she never looked more beautiful than she did in that moment that I saw her again after a year.

~Her hilarious "stationary left side".  Everyone always laughed how she would try it then have hop closer several times.

~How she wasn't a huge snuggler but when she did snuggle it was so sweet.

~How loud and vicious she sounded when she played.  Only a select few dogs were special enough for her to play with but when she did it sounded like they'd kill each other.  Thanks to her, I have another dog that plays the same way.  He'll probably teach my next puppy to play like that and it all started with Gerani.

~Her amazing ability to learn anything and everything in record breaking time.  She took a week to learn all the tricks in trick's class that Whitman couldn't pick up in six weeks.  She was so eager!

~How excited she was to do agility.  Anything for a hotdog!

~Her snore.  She would have been so embarrassed to know she snored.

~Her "Are you kidding me?" look.  You all know what I'm talking about if you knew her.

~How well loved she was by so many people.  She touched SO many lives.

~How she would let Whitman and Theo play and run past her a couple of times but get up and bark when they got too rowdy.  She could put an end to that crazy immaturity real fast.

~How judgmental she could be when I would dance around like a crazy person with Whitman.  She'd just sigh like she was so long suffering.

~How the faces of people would light up when I took her into nursing homes or hospitals.  She really showed how good her soul was when she was out working.

~How lucky I was to be her mom.

I would love for anyone and everyone to share their own memories of Gerani.  Anything that comes to your mind when I say her name.  Please send me a little note or reply if you have one you'd like to share.

Dearly loved. Sorely missed.

I thought this summer was hard on Gerani because it was hot, dry and smokey.  I thought she was slowing down because she was getting old and that was her right.  But deep down I knew something was up.  Deep down, I was dreading that C-word.  I was dreading that trip to the vet.  I was so unprepared to hear "cancer" with Vallie, my lab-angel.  Just like with Vallie, I knew I couldn't overlook it anymore when I came home and Gerani did not meet me at the door.  I found her on her bed and I knew immediately that I needed to take her to the vet.  I called and got her an appointment immediately.  It was Monday June, 24th at about 4:30pm.

At the vet, the doctor looked at her gums and immediately knew they didn't look good.  He told me they would do x-rays and he had to be honest that they were looking for cancer, that dreaded c-word.  I told him that I hoped it wasn't because if it was I would just freak out.  This will be the last time I go to the vet by myself.

Within five to ten minutes, the doctor was back and I immediately knew it wasn't good because Gerani wasn't with him.  He put a syringe on the counter in front of me and as soon as I saw that it was full of blood I knew this was it.  The world got a little fuzzy.  He told me that Gerani was bleeding internally.  Her abdomen was full of blood from a perpetrated tumor on her spleen.  My ears began ringing.

Cancer... and it wasn't good.  Cancer kills so many Goldens because they are prone to it but also because they just want to please their owners so much that they don't let on to any discomfort or pain.  Besides Gerani slowing down, I never would have guessed she was in any pain.  She loved working and pleasing me so much.  Still, I did know that something was wrong.  I asked the doctor that if I had brought her in earlier, would the prognosis have been better.  The answer was no.  By the time Hemangiosarcomas, cancer of the spleen, is diagnosed, there really isn't anything anyone can do.

I was just in so much shock that my beautiful and perfect girl had cancer.  But it just kept getting worse.  I had three choices.  Either take her directly to the emergency vet and start blood transfusions to prepare for surgery in the morning.  It would be major surgery to remove the tumor on the spleen and repair it as well as explore for any other tumors if the cancer had spread.  By the time of diagnosis, it is very very rare that the cancer hadn't spread to other organs.  Because it was such a major surgery and Gerani had already been bleeding internally, as well as her age, it would be extremely hard on her.  There was a good chance that Gerani would not make it through the surgery.  Even if she did, it would only give her another 6 months at the most.  Or I could opt out of surgery and do nothing.  Eventually Gerani would pass away.  That horrified me because essentially she would be bleeding to death.  There was no way I could choose that.  The last choice was to take her home one last time, spend a goodbye night with her then let her go peacefully.

No one should have to hear those choices.  I was sitting there by myself, just weeping with complete helplessness and shock.  I just kept thinking "Gerani is so perfect.  This can not be happening to her.  She's always there, no matter what.  This can not be happening to her."  I needed someone there with me but I couldn't reach anyone.  Finally my mom called me back and I'm sure she couldn't understand a word I was saying to her because I was sobbing.  I just told her to come to the vet.

By the time she got there I knew what I had to do.  Surgery was too risky.  I would never forgive myself if she passed away on the table without me, alone and exposed.  Also, as much as I hate that in this world it has to be a consideration, I couldn't afford to do the surgery if it wouldn't be a cure.  I would never forgive myself if I selfishly took her home to slowly bleed to death just because I couldn't let go.  I knew what I was going to do.

I took Gerani home that night.  She got to relax, lay around, snuggle with me and enjoy steak and Noodles & Co mac and cheese.  Anyone who knew her, knows just how much she loved that.  My family came by to say goodbye to her and it meant a lot to me.  That night, I slept on the floor with her, just to be close to her.  The next morning, I said goodbye.  I won't say any more about that because it is too painful.  Just know she passed away in my arms, surrounded by love and peace.  I know Vallie came down to meet her and they crossed the Rainbow Bridge together.  As horrible and painful as it is for me, she's happy and at peace.  And I know I will see her again.  Until then, she's the angel on my shoulder and I have a lifetime of wonderful memories of her.

I put together this video that really catches how I feel about my time with Gerani.  I have yet to watch it without tearing up.

The song playing is "See You Again" by Carrie Underwood.  I know I will see Gerani again someday.  I am not interested in going to heaven if the animals we've loved in our lives are not there.

A Hard Goodbye

Amazed

Let me begin by saying happy birthday to my dear sweet girl back home Gerani.  I love her so much and I can't believe she's been with me for 13 years.  Here's to another 13 baby girl!

I'm really more bummed that I'm not there to celebrate her birthday over my own.  I already miss my babies so much.  I'm sure they're having fun with Auntie Caitlin though.

Best Friends is amazing.  I was kind of surprised to see how big it is.  I mean I knew it was big being that it is the largest sanctuary in the US but still.  You don't really get what that means until you see the many different layers of it.  It's nestled right into the beautiful desert and so many special animals are here.  It's like heaven on earth.

I'm getting to shadow the trainers around and it's very different but comforting to see they do the same things I would do.  The best thing is working with the dogs.  It is going to be hard not to fall in love with all of them and come home with at least one.  I have to keep talking myself out of it.

As much as I love it and feel like I fit here with the people, it has been such a surreal experience in a way.  I feel very much like I got plucked out of my life and just plopped down.  Might be losing my head a little.  If you know me, you know I rarely lose things, most especially my phone.  But I lost it.  Put it down and lost track of it.  So I really hope I can find it tomorrow because it would so suck to have to worry about getting a new phone while I'm here.  So unlike me.  I guess I have too many other things in my mind and since I don't get service in the canyon anyway I wasn't paying attention.  Oh well.

Why keep track of your phone if you're having such a great time without it?

Gerani's Birthday!

Gerani!

 

 

Gerani is 12 years old today!  A little less than 12 years ago my mom drove me up to Denver to pick up a puppy from the airport.  She was born in California and sent to Colorado at 2 months old.  My first puppy, Jonas, was a huge black lab puppy with giant gangly feet.  But not this puppy.  I opened the crate to find this tiny puppy that was SO fluffy.

Gerani was more of a timid puppy.  She didn't like our trips to the fire house to meet firemen in their full gear or the trips to the farm to meet cows and horses.  When we flew to California she was a perfect angel on the plane.  She also tolerated going to Lego Land and the dog beach, although she refused to dirty herself by getting in the water.  She came back to me from CCI because she was too much of a princess.  I can't say I was surprised.  And when I saw her get off the plane the second time, I knew I was keeping her.

Thank you, Gerani, for a wonderful 12 years with you!  Here's to 12 more!

Scratching the surface

Who am I?  Does anyone else think that's the hardest question to answer?  I'm a whole made up of little pieces that are always changing.  That's one of the reasons to keep this blog.

Me!

Here's a little about me:

• I can cook but I don't like to.
• Backpacking Europe was the best experience of my life.
• I love hot cocoa even in the summer.
• I can't start a TV show in the middle of a season.
• This is the first house I've ever rented on my own.  It's quirky and I love it!
• I've got mad singing and dancing skills in the car.
• I prefer jeans and a tshirt with a hoodie.
• I've never ordered a drink and not been carded (that might have something to do with my style choice.)
• I cry at almost all sad movies.
• I listen to Disney songs when I clean.

One of the most important things you should know about me is that dogs are my life.  I have a degree in English Literature but I've decided to make training dogs my career.  That all started with raising puppies for Canine Companions for Independence.  Taking a dog to high school everyday will sure teach you to rise above the silliness of teenage kids.  I'm about to go for my training certification this year.  Wee!

I have two dogs and a cat of my very own.  They are my babies and I'd pretty much do anything for them.

Theo

Gerani

Theo is my first cat.  He graciously allows me to live in his house.  He loves chin scratches and is obsessed with escaping outside.















Gerani is my old girl.  She was one of my CCI puppies and came back to live with me after she decided she'd rather be waited on in life.  She turns 12 on Monday but she's such a trooper.

Whitman

Whitman is my mystery boy.  Six months after I lost my lab, Vallie, I decided I needed a puppy.  Whitman was an "impulse buy" at the humane society.  Boy howdy I didn't know what I was getting into.  He's touchy around strangers but he's my fluffy boy.  I wouldn't trade him for anything.











There's always more where that came from.  You'll have to tune in to find out.