Surprise!

Hello dear blog!  I missed you!

I feel like I lost my brain for a lot of last year.  It went by so fast.  It felt like Jake and I got engaged at the beginning of the year then, bam!  We were getting married and went on the honeymoon and then the year was over.  That was pretty much 2015 for me.  I will go back and do some posts like the holidays and the wedding, just give me time.

For now, things are coming along.  Life has never been better for me than it is right now.  I've never been this happy.  Things are changing but change is so necessary for life, I can't even tell you.  If you're not changing then you can't really be happy because the world isn't stagnate.  There are exciting things coming that I am nervous about but also very excited.  I never would have guessed this would be my life if you asked me a couple of years ago but I am so glad it is.  So I can only look forward with hope and excitement.

This post will be less about the past than what is happening right now.  Right now is on my mind.

So:

Whitman is costing me a fortune with his foot.  About a month or so ago, I noticed his nail was bleeding and bent a bit to the side after he went running about the yard after some little critter or another.  The nail seemed solid on his foot so I didn't think too much of it except he kept limping off and on and licking his foot.  So I finally broke down and took him to work to get that looked at.  The doctor suspected that his toe was broken but there wasn't much to do with it except put him on pain killers and antibiotics and wait for it to heal.

Of course, right when Jake and I were leaving town for New Years, Whitman ripped it more and bled all over the car on the way to my sister's house.  Big thanks to my sister for taking Whitman to the vet for me.  The doctor decided to pull the nail off at that time and when he did a piece of bone came out with it.  So yes he broke his toe and it was pretty much cut the digit off or hope that the toenail didn't regrow in a painful way.  Just call him Whitman the Toeless Wonder!

That itself wasn't so bad but he's refused to keep his bandage on.  He ate it off once then pulled the stitches out a second time, requiring him to go back under and get the damn foot stapled.  He's a terror with the cone and looks so pathetic but it is finally healing up.  If he pulls anything out again I might just kill him.  I just want him to heal and feel better so we can start running together.

Work has been going great.  I absolutely love working at a vet's office; somehow, I always knew I would.  I have also answered the question of do I want to be a vet tech and the answer is no.  Don't really want to do that at all.  Good to know though.  I would love to keep working in vet's offices and possibly go back for a degree in management or something to further that career path.

Business is booming at House of Dog too and that's been incredible.  Going to look into putting more time into that here coming up soon.  It is great to have a passion that works for you.  Love it.

I was sitting at home going through things this morning and one thing I used to do that I miss is called Postcrossing.  It is a site that you can sign up for that allows you to send and receive postcards from around the world.  I've been collecting postcards for years and I loved getting them from all different places and countries.  Did it for years and then just kind of peetered off.  So I reactivated my account and sent some out this morning,  Strangely, I sent like 9 to Russia.  Come on, it's a huge world out there!  Why so many to Russia?  Then I ran out of cards so I ordered a few more.  We'll see how it goes from here but I can't wait to get some from the great wide world.

My phone headphone jack stopped working.  If you know me, you know I don't like the quiet.  I like to have my headphones going with something on, even if I'm not actively listening to it because I just can not stand the quiet.  Sadly, my husband does like the quiet so I wear my headphones a lot of the time all over the place.  It's hard not to have that work.  Course, it might actually be a good thing because I might be able to break myself of this obsession with having something playing at all times.  I need to distance myself from my phone anyway.  That's what Jake says even if he is on his phone just as much as I am.  (Honey, you know it is true.)  It is just hard to break habits.  I mean it took me about 10 years to stop biting my nails.  This could be hard.

Hmm... What else do I want to comment upon?  Eh at the moment that is all I had.  Love to you all out there in Blogsworld!

Advancement!

I am completely exhausted today.  I just haven't been able to wake up.  It feels like I am trudging along through mud and it is sucking me under.  It is the feeling I used to get when I was an insomniac and I do not need that again.  It is frightening because I haven't been sleeping well and the last thing I need is to develop insomnia again.  I'm always on high alert for insomnia.

Anyway, I figured I'd take the opportunity to catch up on some news in my life.  I am still working at WNW and have climbed the food chain.  Recently I was promoted to assistant manager, which is great with a very small pay raise... wish it was more.

It is ironic because, when I started here, I swore that I wouldn't go after advancement.  I had a bad taste in my mouth from LD to the doctors office and I just wanted a job that I enjoyed and had no pressure on.  I especially had a bad taste in my mouth about management from my experience with LD.  I was SO thrilled to be baker here and never had more fun at a job but finally got out of that into a key holder position for the money.  I wish I was still the baker because seriously, you can't have a more stress free and fun job than that.  Still, I guess I shouldn't be that surprised because I've never been in a job that I didn't look for advancement in.  There just must be something about me.  If, after a year, I don't feel there is advancement opportunities, I get bored with it real quick and move on.  I've noticed that in my past work experience.  So really, getting to assistant manager in a year isn't that big of a surprise.  It is just something that I go for and can't help but work for the goal of advancement.

Honestly, I look around at the other stores in this company and I am kind of surprised to find so many employees that have been working for years in one position and haven't moved up the corporate ladder.  That is hard for me to grasp that you'd want to work in a retail environment for years and not advance.  I think I'd go crazy but that may just be me.  Comparatively, WNW is not a bad company to work for.  I have my gripes, as any employee does, but I have seem much worse companies and I've been interested in working for them for years.  In this town, they are the leaders in pet nutrition.  I have been sending my clients to WNW for years to get advice on pet foods.  So I am happy to work here but I guess I could have never done it without looking for the next step.

I am looking much more into doing other things but a career at WNW is a possibility for me if nothing else.  The GM said that I am next in line for a store manager position so that is encouraging.  A year with the company and I've already leapfrogged many other people just because I want it and I can't do a job without trying to succeed and be better.  Just how I was raised I guess.  Who knows what the next year will bring.

Give Thanks- Work

I am back at work today from "vacation".  I am not always thrilled to be here, like today.  I would so much rather be at home in bed because I am independently wealthy.  However, since I am not independently wealthy, I am thankful to have a job.  It isn't a half bad job either.  We have fun.  I hope that it continues to be something that I am thankful for through the changes that are happening this month.  Even on days I just don't want to be at work, I have to remind myself that I'm thankful for the opportunity to make a living and take care of myself.

Welcome to October!

October is one of my favorite months.  It is crisp with fall, the leaves are well into their beautiful change, and we're gearing up for Halloween!

Lots of exciting things happening this October!  For me, I really hope October is the month of change.  There has been something in the works for a while that I haven't widely broadcasted because I needed to wait to give notice but now it is finally happening.  I am finally doing something that I've wanted to do for so long but I haven't had the courage to do it.

I am leaving Lucky Dog and going into business for myself!  It is about time I got out of a situation that has been so detrimental to my mental health and happiness.  I was just so afraid to do it.  I felt that if I wanted to train dogs I had to stay with Lucky Dog.  Maybe just fear of the unknown but it kept me in a situation that I don't have to suffer through anymore.

I have to finish my classes out there but after that, I'm done.  Amazing.

While I'm doing that I figured I'd just go ahead and change my body too.  I'm going to get my tattoo and I'm going to work out.  No really I am.  Okay so I know I say that and then it fades out because I'm rather lazy and like to be stationary, especially early in the morning.  But the girls at work and I are all on board.  Each of us is working out and eating better.  It's hard to eat well at work because there is so much fast food and crap around and it's so easy to go get for a fast lunch.  No more.  None of us are eating fast food.  In fact, all through October none of us are eating out at all.  I want to exercise more, eat right and lose some weight.  I don't really need to lose weight but I want to be healthy and fit.  I don't have to be an exercise nut, because let's face it, that won't happen.  But being healthy and fit would be wonderful.  Hiking 14ers next summer would be incredible.  So October is the month to begin.  I've already cut out soda, which was really hard.  Damn Mountain Dew Code Red for being so yummy and addictive.  But no more.  I haven't had a soda in over a month.  That's been hard but so worth it.  I still crave it but I've been strong.

So here's to October being an incredible month for me!  Yay Fall!

Christmas Party!

I've had Christmas parties before but the WagNWash Christmas party really took the cake on fancy.  You wouldn't think that considering what type of store it is.  However, once you meet the owners you might expect something fancy from them.

Anyway, last night we all had to work so we decided that us girls were going to bring our things to work and start getting ready at the store.  The store was supposed to close at 5pm.  The bus to Denver (yes the party was in Denver even though there are more stores here.  Makes no sense.) left at 6pm and the party was to start at 7pm.  When you're a girl and you have a fancy party to get ready for you can't do that in a matter of minutes.  Think about it.  You get off at 5, go home which is about a 15 minute drive from both stores, then have to be back to catch the bus at 6.  That leaves about half an hour to get ready if you're lucky.

So us girls left Jeff in charge of the store as we went upstairs early and got ready.  Aimee and Ryan did my hair and makeup and I think it turned out pretty good.  Jake came, brownie points for him.  He looked DAMN fine but of course I forgot to get a picture of us.  I think that's his plan.  It's like pulling teeth to get a picture haha.

Jake drove us up to Denver since he didn't want to ride the bus, which I didn't mind much.  We got there early and hung out in the car for a bit.  Then we went in and man it was a fancy Italian restaurant.  There was a four course meal and it was very yummy.  I bet it all cost a fortune.  It was pretty nice for them to spend that much money on it.  It was a good time.  Course maybe they could do bigger bonuses instead but I guess a party is pretty nice too.  Drink tickets were nice too.

There was a kind of white elephant gift.  I bought a gift of chocolate, hot chocolate and a mug with a Santa hat.  I ended up with an ordainment, which I gave to Amanda, and $20 in ITunes gift cards.  I think I made out pretty will considering some people did not take to heart that there weren't supposed to be gag gifts or anything.

Overall, it was a nice time and I'm glad that I went.  I'm glad Jake came with me.  Yay the Christmas season!

Ryan and I at work before leaving.

The ladies!

Our crew!

Oh snap!

So for the past couple of weeks, a rubber band war has been raging at work.  Jeff, my nemesis, has gotten a few good snaps in.  I also have gotten some good snaps in.  He's better at shooting them than I am but I'm much sneaker and get up close for a good hard snap.  Today, the shit got real...

He rubber banded my cabinets shut.  Oh he has no idea the can of whoop ass I'm going to open now.  I have a saying, don't start it if you can't finish it.  I have a whole week and a half to think about how I'm going to get him back.

Beware...  Always beware...

Fight the Power!

I've been a posting slacker.  Basically because I have had a lot happening.  Sitting down and writing about it has seemed like a lot of work.  I have several topics I need to post on.  I'll see how many I can get through.

First and foremost, I quit my job at LI.  Why?  Because the doctor there was being a mega asshole and I think he wanted me gone.  I don't stand for people mistreating me.  I would never let it happen outside of the work place.  I stand up for myself.  Therefore, I should stand up for myself in the work place too.  That's one of the fundamentals I live by.  Stand up for yourself.  People can only mistreat you if you let them.

I kept trying to get things to change at the LI.  I kept asking for help and trying to work things out but at some point you have to ask yourself if it is worth it.  The point it got to, it wasn't worth it anymore.  The vice president that flew out regularly was a nightmare.  We'll call him F.  Now F is an older man and is admittedly from a different time.  When he was young, it was acceptable to be openly sexist and a general douche.  Nowadays, it is not okay.  It is not okay to invite the male employees out to comped lunches and not the female employees.  It is not okay to ask the female employees to bring you plates of food from a potluck or to get you coffee.  It is not okay to ask the female employees to fax or copy personal things for him.  It's just rude and rather disgusting.

In general LI was a rude and disrespectful company.  Couple that with an arrogant and disrespectful doctor and it was just a joyous place all the time.  I got tired of being dumped on and getting in trouble for things that were not my fault.  Four other people worked on that desk and none of them were trained because the manager wouldn't make them come up and train.  I can do receptionist work and I can handle being one of the underlings as an employee but one thing I do not handle well is being disrespected left and right.  If I don't like the job anyway then there really isn't any reason for me to hang around if I'm being disrespected.

So last straw happened and I said "you know what, I'm better than this.  And this company does not appreciate me."  So I was done.  Gave my two weeks even though I almost walked out right there.  That would have been more delightful but I did have respect for some of the other employees so I didn't want to do that to them.  I did use my English skills and wrote a really lovely letter to the CEO and vice-president about the predicament.  Too late to do me any good but I didn't want to be one of those people that just quits and doesn't try to solve the problem behind me and hands it off to the next poor employee to deal with.  Who knows if anything will come of it but at least I put it out there.  And I never have to go back to that depressing place.  I mean honestly, a little moral building would go a long way there.

I've been maliciously giggling to myself too as I hear about things there from my sister.  In the two weeks they had before I was gone they only had two interviews.  They offered the job to one girl and they thought she was going to accept but turns out the doctor and F both said some pretty disrespectful things in her interview and she decided not to take it.  The people covering the desk right now are the four untrained and useless people who were covering my lunches so I'm sure mistakes are being made all over the place.  Out of prospects for the position, they posted it on Craigslist and got about one hundred resumes but none of them are worthy.  Now they have no prospects, no interviews and are drowning.

There are two studies that they count on to make all the money throughout the year.  One is going on right now and they are so disorganized and don't take care of their employees that they were supposed to get at least one hundred and fifty people into the study in about a month.  In the last two weeks they've gotten nine people in.  Oh it makes me laugh.  Unhappy employees don't work as hard as employees that feel appreciated and wanted.  If they'd made me feel at all appreciated I would still be there helping them out.

Guess I was harder to replace than they thought.  Jerks.

Goodbye Old

So I've been unsettled for a while.  That's nothing new.  Physically unsettled in that my things are everywhere and I haven't moved into my house.  Unsettled in my professional life because I can't decide what I want to do.  When I left LD as manager it was because emotionally I couldn't take it anymore and it was either do that or have a complete breakdown.  So I left.  That was SO hard.  I don't like feeling unsettled or that I'm not achieving anything.  But I took the chance that I would find my way.

Found my way to my current job.  Well this week I threw that out the window too.

For those who don't know, I work as a receptionist.  But it's confusing because technically I work for three separate companies.  One is the drug trial company and they're the ones that handle me as an employee.  However, about 90% of my work comes from the doctor that I work for.  He is not easy to work with.  The other company doesn't have their stuff together and is extremely disorganized.  I was "trained" by them for about half an hour way back in September.  Then the woman who was supposed to be my contact apparently left the company 4 months before anyone bothered to tell me.  Then take into consideration that I haven't had someone reliable to cover my lunches since before Thanksgiving.  The people, that's right people (4 to be exact), who cover me during my lunch are not trained because they have no interest in being on the receptionist desk.  Three of them have been promised a coordinating job so they want to focus on training for that.  So my repeated requests that they spend more time training have been ignored for months.

I spend about 25% of my time fixing issues that they create during the hour a day that they are on the desk.  I have complained over and over again that it is a waste of time.  I don't know why they don't just commit one person to training and covering me.  It makes no sense.  They're just allowed to half ass it and I pick up the pieces.  However, when I start getting in trouble for things that they did and for things that no one told me needed to be done differently that's when I will put my foot down.

So this week I just realized, you know, life is too short.  I do not want to work for people who are just disrespectful, unorganized and unable to fix issues that I need help with.  I think... close to five months should be more than enough time to adequately fix the issue of someone covering my lunch.  I think I have been more than patient and flexible.  But then it just comes down to I don't like the job anyway and I am not willing to put up with people's crap while doing it.  Again, life is too short.

So I put my two weeks notice in.  First time I've done that without having a job lined up.  But honestly, I am sick of this crap.  I know I complain a lot about my jobs but I haven't found one that really feels like it fits me.  That's something that I feel like I should have.  I am a firm believer in do what you love instead of something that will make lots of money.  That's why I'm a dog trainer and that's why I graduated with a degree in English Literature.

Hopefully I have a job by the end of the month because that's when I'm done here.  I had my second interview today with Best Friends, which I think went really well.  Though it will be two weeks before they decide who they want to invite out for a two week trial period.  So I can't count on that job for a while.  I have an interview tomorrow for a vet's office which I would love.  Other opportunities open up.

I'll be glad to be done with the dull job though.  Whew.

Blah

If you've been reading my Facebook page you know I've been in a terrible mood.

I'm in a terrible mood because people as a whole tend to disappoint and annoy me.  I am not a people person.  This is a fact widely known.  I'm a dog person.  I'm much more likely to tolerate you if you have a dog.  And I'll probably like you if I like your dog.  I have my friends and my really close friends and beyond that I would rather not deal with people a whole lot outside of their dogs.  That doesn't make me a mean or rude person.  I think I'm nice and polite and would never outright be mean to people but no, I'm not all that interested in knowing everyone's life story or getting coffee with strangers.

People have just been irritating the hell out of me lately.

And add on top of that a lack of sleep and I turn into a really charming person.  In the past week and a half I've fallen asleep before 1 AM only once.  And yes that still would give me about 5 hours of sleep and that would have been a Godsend in college but I'm an old woman now and I do not do well with anything under 8 hours of sleep.  10 days of 4-5 hours of sleep on average is killing me.

I'm also frustrated.  I'm frustrated with so many things.  Mostly my job.  I don't want to be one of those people who complains about everything and I know I've spent my fair share of time complaining about my job but I'm just so sick of being the one with the shitty job.  I've recently realized that I can't put the time or energy I want into training because I am burning myself out.  13 hour days is way too much work.  I need to find a part time job that will allow me time off to work on and build up training.  The problem is, I just bought a house and I have expenses.  Can I risk taking another pay cut right now and hope training compensates for it?

On the other hand, isn't life too short to do something you don't like and don't enjoy?  Or is that a childish notion?  I get torn between the two.

Some days I'm shocked that I'm one of those adults with a mortgage, a 8-5 office job, and a chip on my shoulder.  Some days I think that's part of growing up is accepting what the real world is.  Not all of us can have the adventures and live life like we see in the movies.  In reality, that young girl who got her dream job right out of college in NYC and lives in this wonderful loft doesn't exist.  Really she's a waitress trying to break into the journalist business while she lives in a closet with 3 other roommates.  Yay reality!

Of course reality is what you make of it.  So do you just accept that and live that life or do you do something else?  God I wish I could sell off everything I own and go ride a motorcycle around the world or something.  I'd love that.  Course I'd have to get a side car for Whitman and Gerani.  Theo wouldn't like that much.

My animals are probably the main reason I haven't done that.  I love them.  They keep me grounded.  Honestly they keep me a productive member of society because I have to take care of them.  Sucks on one hand but on the other I wouldn't trade them for a life of adventure.

And that's just about all the complaining and bitchiness I want to let out today.

Taking a half day from work today and a day off tomorrow or else I'd burn the place down.  Need some me time.

And time to finish up the house so I can move in.

So much to do...

Hi ho! (I don't know why... just felt like it)

Got a lot done yesterday.  That feels nice.  Not nearly done cleaning the house but I did clean and organize the laundry room.  I moved my dogs' food down there so now they're both confused about where they're supposed to eat.  My brother had piles of laundry in there that have been waiting to be done since September when I moved in.  So I went ahead and did those for him.  Never say I don't do anything nice for him.  My papers that have been piled up got sorted and I have a lot of them with me at work today to put in the shredder.  So handy that I can do that now instead of trying to coax my decrepit shredder to do it for me at home.  Tonight I will be folding laundry then I have to clean up the kitchen.  Which reminds me I need to make a shopping list for myself because there are a few things I need before I go home tonight.  The list of things I need to do never really gets shorter does it?  I think I have a problem.

At work today feeling fairly bored.  I have a lot to do but the pile has intimidated me so I'm instead posting on my blog and looking at Pinterest.  Helpful I know.  I'll get to that pile eventually.

In other news, my boss put in her two weeks notice yesterday.  Very sad about this because she's a very good boss.  She has renewed my faith in bosses everywhere.  There are good people still out there who care that you have a good work environment to look forward to everyday.  We will certainly miss her especially since that means that the Vice CEO will be at our location more and he's wacky.  Who knows who will be in that position next.  There are two people here who could do it and they both don't want to.  So who knows.  I hope that the next one isn't a witch.  My new found faith would be shattered again and that would be terrible because I don't much like this job in the first place.  If I had to come here and be miserable it would just throw my whole life in the toilet again.

Oh well.  Nothing I can do about it but sit here and pretend to work.  That's what I plan to do today and I'm very good at it.

Movin' right along

Well things have been moving right along.  No real complaints or observations either.  Work, sleep and work mostly. 

My brother is off doing training for the Air Force for two months so I have the house to myself.  It is rather nice.  Though it might be bad for me to live by myself because I am very comfortable home alone.  I would fall into the habit of being a home body and no one would ever see me.  Socialization is a good thing.  If I spout that in dog training then I really should practice it in my home life too huh. 

Anyway, I wasn't planning on it but brought Theo over.  I really missed him when he was living with my parents because my brother is allergic.  But now that my brother isn't there I needed my kitty back in my life.  He's such a little joy.  Whitman is so happy to have his brother back.  They are just absolutely hilarious when they play together.  I keep trying to get it on video but of course as soon as I grab my phone they stop.  Someday I'll get their boppit game on video and you'll all laugh.  I'm loving the nighttime snuggles too.  Neither Whitman or Gerani are huge snugglers so I'm glad to have Theo who likes to curl up with me at night.  Waking up to him purring makes me less grumpy.  Except when he's purring on my face.  That's not as much fun.

Work has been dull.  Even more so because I'm training someone.  So basically I just sit here and give directions every so often.  Yawn worthy.  However, now that I've trained several people I now don't have to worry about taking time off and such.  I also got to dictate my schedule a little.  So now I work through lunch and get off at 4 instead of 5.  I can't tell you how much it helps my moral to see the sun before it goes down.  So nice.  Work continues to be boring though.  Oh well.  Again, I'm glad to have a job.

The house... Ug. That sums up how I feel about the house.  It just seems to be one thing after another going on there.  I have a hard time seeing an end in all the remodeling.  That makes it hard for me to summon the energy to work on it in my already hectic schedule.  Which is not helpful in the slightest.  I just get really frustrated with all of of.  It is coming along, in thanks mostly to my mom and dad that are enjoying my home ownership more than I am I think.  I'll enjoy it when I can actually live in my own space again.  Sigh, sigh, triple sigh.  

I'm making small changes to life in the spirit of a new year, which is already a week and a half old, can you believe it?  One rule is I have to drink one bottle of water after my first cup of coffee in the morning if I want to have another.  This is a potentially deadly rule but not necessarily to me.  More to whatever unsuspecting soul approaches me too cheerily or too quickly on the mornings when I've only had one cup of coffee and am feeling resentful toward a world where this rule could exist.

The second rule is I am no longer allowed to spend money on soda.  I suspect this will be the hardest because my Mountain Dew Code Red cravings are my most potent.  But in the spirit of being healthier I need to cut the soda out.  Also will save me some money.  Doing this along with the water and coffee rule may make me seriously caffeine deprived though so approach me slowly and with no sudden movements when I look a little tired.

The third rule is I can only have fast food once a month. I'm not a huge fast food person to begin with but I do sometimes enjoy a large fry or a hamburger that I later regret.  I tend to eat fast food when I forget my lunch though.  So I've loaded up with healthy snack foods at work and the later lunch will probably help too.  And making smoothies in the morning makes it so I can last the day without being as hungry.

Fourth is only healthy snack foods at home too.  No more chips or cookies or whatever.  Instead I have healthier crackers and fruit.

And lastly I have to spend time outside everyday.  I want to walk my dogs more often. This means Whitman has to be less of a couch potato which he isn't thrilled about. Laziest dog ever.  Gerani needs to lose 5 pounds too.

So those are the changes I've come up with.  Hopefully they last more than two weeks.

Vents from the furnace to the ceiling.

Ripped out kitchen.

Living room.  Ripped out the left side there.

Changes changes changes. What to do, what to do?

Life is a crazy thing sometimes.  I feel like I have gone through a lot of changes this past year.  And I guess I have.

• September of last year I signed my first lease on my own in Mantiou.
• Began a housing search that was much more intense than I thought it would be.
• Left my job at LD which was frightening, exciting, regretful and good all at the same time.
• Moved out of Manitou and am now existing in a state of flux.
• Bought a house.
• Slowly remodeling that house.

It's a lot to comprehend.  I don't tend to think my life is all that exciting.  Hollywood won't be making a movie about it any time soon, not even a bad daytime tv movie.  But that doesn't mean that these events aren't huge in my world.

I feel the need to quote one of my all time favorite tv shows now.

"Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are."
~Whistler, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Yes that might be a tad dramatic but it is still a very potent quote.  If life were a stagnant thing it wouldn't be worth living.  Changes, even when they form as bumps in the road, are a part of the world turning and life going on.  You never really know what is going to happen but when those big moments come either you put on your big boy boots and kick ass or you hide under the bed.  I've done my share of both.

So why am I getting all whimsical and philosophical?  One because my brain isn't entirely awake yet this morning and two because I've had another opportunity open up before me.  Whenever I am faced with a big decision like this I always get philosophical and deep.  If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around does it make a sound?

Anyway, the opportunity I find myself looking at is another job.  When I made the decision to get out of LD it was a really hard one.  I was comfortable with my work there, even though I did not agree with the people or who it was run.  I am comfortable working with dogs and I really miss that.  In no way do I wish I had stayed at my position at LD because it was strangling the life out of me.  People have told me I seem much happier now and that's a positive thing if people can notice that.  I walk in for training now and I don't want to burn the place down.  It's a novel feeling that I really missed having.  So no, I don't regret quitting except that I miss the dogs there.  Yeah yeah the job I have now is a good one.  The people here are very sweet and I like them.  My boss is an incredibly nice person.  They have AMAZING coffee machines here.  But... there is no soul here.  I don't know if that makes sense.  But where I sit, I can't see outside.  I never thought that would depress me but it kind of does.  I feel like I'm sitting in a sad little box like those lab mice that don't see anything but white walls.  Working here has really made me relate to Office Space more.  Especially the scene where he knocks down his cubicle wall to see outside and the beating of the fax machine.  And then essentially I do the same thing... everyday.  And it is things that I don't particularly care about and don't interest me.  I've always been the kind of person that if I'm not interested in a topic it is hard for me to apply myself to it.  I'd just really like to get back into working with animals.

Yesterday I was driving to my parents' house to visit with my cat and I happened to drive past my vet's office.  I had been meaning to call them about getting Whitman's teeth cleaned so I rung them up.  They know me as my family has been taking our animals to them since I was a kid.  Dr. Scott is an amazing vet and even saw my CCI dogs for free when they were active.  Whitman is not a huge fan of Dr. Scott but he's a great vet.  When I contemplated leaving LD I decided that I would like to work in a vet's office.  However, since I love my vet so much, it was the only vet office I really wanted to consider.  Only they weren't hiring.  I've been thinking about getting back into the animal field over the past couple of weeks so when I had them on the phone I asked how often they hired.  Turns out, they're hiring now.  What luck!  Course whenever I am faced with a decision like this I go back and forth and worry and stress but honestly, this is a job I have been waiting for.  It would be SO much better to work there than here I think.  So I turned in my resume and I have a job interview tomorrow afternoon over my lunch break.

This would be an amazing opportunity for me.  And honestly, I really hope I get it though I would feel guilty for taking this job and only staying for four months.  Especially since I strong armed them into higher pay than they wanted.  And my sister works here so I don't want to make waves on the way out.  I just always seem to feel like I am letting people down when I do something like this.  For example, when I left managing LD I felt like I was letting my employees down.  But if I do get offered this position I think I will jump for it.  It's a lot of changes all at once but it is good changes.  I'll just have to roll with the punches and try to make it up on my feet.

What else can you do?  Well you all can wish me luck!

Here's another question for you:
If a tree falls in the woods and only a deaf man is there, does it make a sound? 

My toes are freezing!

I got wonderful news in my email this morning.  Apparently a wealthy Nigerian businessman passed away recently and he has no family so he chose me as his sole beneficiary!  I can't believe it!  Millions for me to collect if I just send this very helpful but not so literate in English mystery person all of my personal information!  It is like winning a lottery I didn't enter!  ...  Please.  How do people fall for this?

In other news, I was up for most of the night with a twitchy leg.  It was quivering and twitching all night and kept waking me up.  It sounds like nothing until you're actually contemplating cutting your leg off so you can finally get some decent sleep.  I did find one position that was okay if I held my leg a certain way.  Then I would fall asleep and move so then of course in about 45 minutes I would wake up again.  It was still twitching a little on the way to work but now it has stopped.  Angie says I need to eat more bananas.  Usually I have about 6-10 bananas a week in my smoothies but I haven't made them this past week because I've been so tired and cold in the mornings.  So I need to get back into that and keep up with my smoothies.  That or cut off my leg.  Either or.

Speaking of being cold in the mornings, I am absolutely freezing right now.  Today is supposed to be 70 degrees so I am wearing a handkerchief skirt and my small slip on shoes and only brought a light jacket.  Since I park in my brother's garage my car stays fairly warm so that usually is enough to get through the morning chill.  Today however I took the dogs to LD and then stood outside chatting.  So that made me cold.  Then I blasted my heat in my car all the way to work so I was nice and toasty but then I get to the office and the AC is on to 60 degrees.  Doesn't sound cold but it is frigged because it blows right on me.  So I am sitting here shivering.  My toes are so cold.  I may go track down my sister and steal her sweater and put it on my feet for a while until the cold air cycles out of here.

It is true I would rather be cold than hot but that doesn't mean I enjoy being freezing cold while I'm sitting here pretending to work.  Even my fingers are cold!  I want a blanket!

The flu study at work is FINALLY over!  No more working Sundays.  No more dealing with the crazy flu people as much.  Thank goodness.  Since I worked yesterday I have tomorrow off!  YAY!  That is a good thing because I have about 15 things on my to do list that I can only do at home.  Since I spend the majority of my time outside of home that doesn't help me much.  And the best part, I get to sleep in tomorrow!  That means I'll probably wake up within half an hour of when my alarm would normally go off but it still counts because I won't have to listen to that damned alarm.  Days off are a blessing!  Though I still train in the evening so it is not a complete day off.  Still makes me happy though.

House news:

Pretty much finished ripping up the flooring that needed to be ripped up.  Found some gnarly flooring under the carpet in the spare bedroom.  It made me laugh because I can't imagine anyone wanting that on their floors.  We'll be laying new carpet in the bedroom to cover this and then getting new linoleum in the bathroom, kitchen and laundry room.  Someday I'll lay down tile but for now, linoleum will do.

I spent a lot of time pulling nails and hooks and screws out of the walls this weekend.  It was astounding how much was in the walls and just randomly everywhere.  I would have loved to see what was going on when the previous owners lived there.  It must have been a hodge podge of just everything imaginable.

My mom has been working hard in the backyard to make it habitable.  I really want to get that done so that I can bring my dogs over more often.  If my dogs could be there more I could work on the house more because I wouldn't have to go home to take care of them every so often.  Right now though there is just so many nails and random junk around that it isn't safe.  Not to mention that the fencing is extremely unsafe.

This week a lot of stuff is really starting to happen at the house.  At this moment concrete is being poured for my new porch.  Cheaper than a wood porch and I won't have to replace it in a couple of years.  Also it will be nice to be able to use the front door again without climbing up and jumping out that huge hole.  Tomorrow the electrician will be rewiring from top to bottom so that we can use the electricity in the house without burning it down.  The sheds in the back will be getting bulldozed either tomorrow or the next day.  Then this weekend we will be scraping the outdoor trim and repainting that before it gets too cold.  Though... it is supposed to snow on Friday so we may have to put that off.  I am going to paint the trim that is blue now a dark green.  The gutters that we put on will also be a dark green.  That should all happen fairly quickly here.  And we have also made the decision to put in a furnace instead of doing electrical heating.  I kept going back and forth but at this point I just need to make a decision and get some heat in that house so that it isn't unbearable to work in.  Windows will be done hopefully next week or the week after.  We are still getting a couple of bids there to see what we can afford.

I feel like things are really starting to get going on the house, which is fun to see.  I feel overwhelmed by it and I've been so busy that I have hardly been able to do anything on it.  Thank God for my parents who have been there almost every day doing something.  They are incredible people and know MUCH more how to do this than I do.  I would be so lost without them.

Flooring in the walk in closet

Flooring in the bedroom

Dad hard at work

A warm blanket and a long nap is much needed

Even though it is only 9:25, I'm going to go ahead and label today a bad day.

I haven't been able to wake up yet.  I'm so exhausted I feel like I could fall asleep in my very uncomfortable office chair.

My back started hurting again yesterday so today I'm wearing my back brace which isn't relaxing or comfortable.

I have not had nearly enough coffee.  I think today is about a 5 cup day.

I'm PMSing so I am wavering between being pissed off about everything and wanting to put my head down on my desk and cry.

I was too busy last night to get my new dog blog rolling.  I was attempting to make my sister a cake for her birthday and kept running out of ingredients.

This is the third day in a row that I've been up before 6 and hating it.

I have cramps.

There are stacks of papers on my desk for me to get through and I can barely even look at them without going brain dead.

I want to go home.  I want to go home and snuggle up in bed and sleep off the bad day.  The fact that I can't is just making me bitter toward everything else today.

F*** you Thursday.  F*** you.

The Flu Week

I don't feel like I should complain much about work because even on its worst day this place is so much better than what I have put up with in the past.  But I think this week is worthy of a complaint or two.

First of all, where do I work?  That is a very good question.  There are three businesses that I work for so it isn't confusing in the slightest.  One is a drug trial company.  One is a sleep behaviorist doctor.  And one is a sleep lab company.  I am the door keeper for those three companies.  The sleep lab is a little bit scattered and disorganized but they're figuring it out.  Normally everything runs pretty smoothly.  Although there are some things to complain about, I just have to remember my previous employment and then I find myself thanking my lucky stars.  Usually.

This week is Flu Week and it sucks.  The drug trial company is doing a massive flu study that I have been in charge of scheduling for.  It has been a nightmare to figure it all out and call people and there are so many restrictions on how you can schedule.  Blah.  Doesn't help that we're scheduling older people.  Some of them are lovely and charming.  Some of them come from the stock of old person that screams at kids on their lawn.

I'm not exactly having fun with it.  I have to be at work at 6:30am, which SUCKS!  I am not a morning person.  Mornings were invented to torture us slowly until we can get enough coffee into our systems to become human.  True I used to work earlier everyday but that was a while ago and I have very much happily settled into my later work schedule.  So I hate this.  It isn't as bad for me as it is for the coordinators who have to be here from 7am-7pm all this week.  But I still complain.  Just more quietly in their presence.  Then for the next two Sundays I have to work too.  That means no days off for me until the end of the month.

I'm exhausted just thinking about it and must refill my coffee.

Friday the 13th!

If you're the superstitious kind don't step on a crack in the sidewalk or let a black cat cross your path today.  I'm not really sure what started this superstition and honestly I can't say that I've ever had a horrible day on a Friday the 13th.  Valentine's Day is much more cursed.  And I have to say I've never been overly impressed by the movies.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre scared me much more.

Anyway, I don't anticipate having a bad day today.  So far so good.  Had a breakfast at the first job today then headed over to the second job for my last shift.  You have NO idea how excited I am.  Or maybe you do from my last post.  I was in a pretty dark place earlier this week but all that anger has really turned into relief.  I feel like a huge weight is being lifted off my shoulders and I can actually breathe again.  It has been SO long since I've truly felt relaxed and not stressed.  I'm pretty much always stressed and I have the knots in my shoulders to prove it.  I'm actually considering going out and getting a massage to start my "New Life" knot and stress free. 

I still have 4 hours left on this shift but I'm feeling pretty good.  Thank you to my sister and dad for really talking me off of a ledge earlier in the week when I was ready to sacrifice everything just to get away.  Thank you to the friends I do have at work, mostly the training friends, who have given me hope in people (even in the dark places you can find people with good hearts).  And I'm going to say thank you to myself for realizing I deserve better and taking a chance on that.

I feel like a breath of fresh air!

When you...

When you hate the thought of getting up in the morning and going to work.  Or when you hate hearing your phone ring because you fear it will be someone from work.  When you begin you hate yourself because of work...

...That's when you get the hell out of there.

I'm not going to lie, life has been rather tough for me the past couple of weeks.  The past couple of days has really had me questioning morally if I was doing the right thing.  As much as I want to rant and rave about it on here, I've really done enough of that.  Plus, I don't want to put it on here and poison this.  Also, since this is a public forum for me, it just isn't a good idea.  If I really got going on this I don't think I could stop myself and I don't think I would censor myself very well.

So we will just say something deplorable happened at work.  Those who need to know, know.  Those who want to know can ask me privately.  I won't go into it on here.  I'm not even going to share this.  However, I will say that I have never been so treated in my life.  I also have never felt the need to question myself and my work situation on such a moral level.  I was very close to making decisions that would have greately impacted my future and probably the future of a good number of people.  Not all those people would have deserved it but many would have deserved it and a whole lot worse.

I didn't sleep well last night and made myself physically ill because I was so torn over it.  Ultimately I've chosen, for now, to continue with the decisions I've already made.  If Friday wasn't already my last day then my decision would have been drastically different.  But since it is my last day I'm going to stick with training because that is my passion.  I don't want to leave the incredible training team at work.  Those people have given me a place to belong and I would be crushed to leave that.  However, if the poison of the other side at all leaks over into training then I am out the door.  I will not put up with it anymore.

Honestly, this whole thing sickens me.  I'm glad it is almost over.

Ranting and Raving

Alright it has been a while since I've been able to post because my life is so filled with shit right now that I can't even think straight.  So before I can catch you up on some of the things I want to share like my camping trip, I need to get this rant over with.  Then other more sane posts will come.

I hate my job.  I didn't used to hate it; in fact I loved it.  Working with dogs has been one of the greatest pleasures of my life and actually got me through some hard times.  I've always been a firm believer in do what you love, not what makes you money.  Well now I am not only not making money but I hate it.

The dogs haven't changed; I still love the dogs.  It's the people I work with.  I don't know what it is but they can not behave themselves or get along with each other.  It is so bad that I don't even want to come into work anymore.  It is like I am a glorified babysitter of mean and spiteful little children instead of the manager of a business.  What the hell is wrong with these people?  Why can't they just leave each other alone, come in and do their work, then go home?  The drama does not have to exist.  Didn't we all get enough of it in high school?  I don't know about you but I don't want to live my adult life worrying about these petty people.  So someone is shallow enough to gossip about you.  Who the hell cares?  They are just showing just how insecure they are by talking about it.  Plus, when they have no actual power over you it shouldn't matter in the slightest if they like you or not, if they want to talk about you behind your back or not.  Let it the hell go.  If people would just stop listening to the drama then the people spreading it wouldn't have a reason to do it.  But no one is capable of taking the high road.  Everyone has to get involved and spread it around.  Leave it well enough alone people!

I mean hell, I know it's a hard job back there.  I know burn out and turn over are common.  But the people that need to turn over and get out of here because they're burned out won't leave.  Then their bad behavior and negative attitude poison everyone else.  So it is this vicious cycle.  If I do hire someone great who wants to do a good job and not get involved in drama, they quit because they don't want to put up with everyone else.

I am so sick of it that for the first time today I yelled at employees.  I came into two employees fighting all day and I pulled everyone into the office and yelled at them.  I don't want to do that; it doesn't make me feel good.  It doesn't make me want to come here and try harder for them.  It doesn't make me want to succeed at my job at all.  It doesn't make anyone want to do anything positive.  But I am literally out of options.  I've tried being nice and leading by example.  I've tried having individual meetings with employees so they can voice their problems.  I've tried having group meetings with feuding employees.  I've tried being stern with them.  I've tried rewarding good behavior.  NOTHING works.  So fine, if they want a negative work environment we can all play that game until they get their heads out of the ground and decide to be adults.

Ug.  I just don't know what else to do.  You can't make people grow up and you can't fire them if they don't.

I have more complaints about work but right now I'm too frustrated to go into them.  So I'm stopping while I'm ahead.