I'm having a day

I'm having one of those days where I am alternately pissed off then content.  Then pissed off, then content...  So on and so forth.  I was driving to work and decided to treat myself to a Starbucks (I am weaning myself off of it because I need to save money but every so often I have a morning where I deserve a Starbucks.)  While pulling through the drive through I could hear this cricket chirping in the rocks and I just wanted to get out and stomp all over the place to squish that stupid cricket.  Why such rage at the cricket playing his pretty song you might ask.  One probably because crickets are icky creatures that hop around and possibly I had a bad experience with one as a child.  Two because it's not such a pretty chirping song when the damn cricket is in your room and chirping happily through the night and you can't find the blasted creature.  And three, I'm just pissed off, damnit.  I managed to calm myself with the thought of my morning coffee and the little thing survived.

Once the coffee started flowing I got happier and drifted my way into work.  Then the flip flop began and I've been back and forth on my mood.  Maybe it's because I don't feel that great still (fighting off a cold) and maybe it's just because sometimes people bug me.  I'm not a huge people person to begin with and some days I'd rather just go home and hang out with my dogs than deal with the whole social thing.

Grump.  Grump grump grump grump.

In other news, I'm seeing movement on the housing front again.  The sellers agreed to put a new roof on the house downtown so we're going to hammer out another offer and move forward.  I hope I get it because I'm really just kind of done with the whole house hunting thing.  Nightmare.  But if I can move into that house with a fancy new roof life would be good. 

That's probably the sole reason for some of my happy moments today.  Otherwise today is just a good day for everyone to leave me alone and I'll leave you alone and we'll both exist happily.

Shit I have so much packing to do.  Back to being crabby.

To offset the grumpiness I decided to add a picture from way back when enjoying a concert in Paris on Bastille Day.

Can you say...

Another melancholy post.  Can you say rut?  Can you say PMS and job dissatisfaction?  Can you say shoot me now?

*Sigh*  So, I've been kicking around what and what not to post for a while.  On the one hand, I hate to edit myself.  I feel like I need a place to voice my feelings and thoughts in an honest way.  Then on the flip side this is a public blog.  We've all heard the horror stories of someone who posts on the internet in a therapeutic fashion and it turns around and bites them in the ass.  The last thing I need is me putting a target on my own back.  I already have a huge target on my back through no fault of my own.

We'll just say things aren't going well.  I need to make huge changes before this completely ruins my life.  I shouldn't have to dread it every day and feel like I'm failing at something that is made impossible through other people's actions.  It's just not fair to myself.  Don't they always say life is too short?  Live while you can?

I don't know.  Whoever said that lived in a much simpler world than I do.  Man what I wouldn't give to be independently wealthy.  Lately I've just been trying to remind myself of the good things in my life.  I look around me and I do see people who have it much worse off than I do.  I should be grateful and all that.  Still, recognizing how good I have it doesn't make the bad things disappear.  Maybe it would be healthy for me to make a Pro/Con list.  Or maybe I shouldn't bother and I should just find another road for my feet.  And I should do it sooner rather than later before my spirit gets crushed.

I'm just tired.  I'm exhausted all the time in mind and body.  I need to focus on myself for a while and what I need to ease the burden.  I think I know what I need.  I just wish that this crazy world was a place that you could just leap without looking.  Sadly I have to look if I don't want to end up crashing in my sister's spare bedroom again.  I do love her dearly but that's not where I want to be.  Course I don't want to be where I am mentally either.

What a cluster f***.

Grr, Arg!

I'm in a bitchy mood.  That probably has something to do with the fact that it's super hot in here and I was napping for a little while but it wasn't enough.  It's been a long week.  It's been a long month.  I have so much going on and I feel like I'm not making progress on figuring out what I want in the future.  I think there are things I need to cut out of my life and I need to explore other areas.  It's time to move on but I have a hard time letting go.  I feel overwhelmed and stuck.  I'm getting that feeling that I need to make a jump forward.

All of that is depressing and it is making me grumpy.  The fact that I just did the dishes and my fingers are pruney.  I do love this house but I HATE the fact that there is no dishwasher.  Hate hate hate.

And as I'm sitting here writing this and being grumpy leave it to my kiddos to cheer me up.  Whitman was bopping Theo's head so Theo started chasing him around trying to jump on him.  They ended up running around the living room in a loop around Gerani.  Finally Gerani jumped up and barked; Theo and Whitman scattered.  It was like two little kids bouncing off the walls until Mom finally yells at them to just cut it out!  So funny.  They actually made me laugh when I was in this really horrible mood.  This is why I love them.  So blessed to have them.

That's exactly why I bought my flip, to catch moments like that..  Course it is downstairs.  I maybe need to keep it on the kitchen counter so that I can catch these matches between Theo and Whitman.  Hilarious.  The world needs to see that.