Musings

Things are coming together for the wedding.  I have an appointment for cake tasting on Thursday and picking invitations today.  I am going with the lavender theme since that was the first thing I picked out for my wedding.  Next is just the small touches that I am so interested in.  Excited about the whole thing now.  I always wanted a wedding but I wasn't always sure that I actually wanted to get married.  Well, I guess your outlook on life changes when you find that person that you can see sharing everything with.  I'm so excited about everything.  Can't wait to see what changes come in the next year and a half.

I don't know if I ever posted but I recently changed jobs.  Things kind of blue up at WNW but I am SO SO SO glad to be out of there.  Blessings happen in all different kind of ways.  I just don't do well when I feel people are taking advantage of me or treating me badly.  Fault and a strength.  I don't put up with it well so I am willing to sacrifice things to get away from it.  But now I have a job that I really love.  It makes such a difference to work with a different quality of people.  Professional people handle themselves differently and that is such a load off.  I hate petty, spineless people and I'm glad to be away from them.  And more than anything I am SO THANKFUL to be away from retail.  I don't like people enough to work in retail anymore.  It sucks.  It's a draining and horrible feeling when people walk all over you just because they can and you have to smile and be nice.  Hopefully never again.  I work at a vet's office now and I love it.  I thought about doing vet tech but I am glad now that I didn't do that.  I wouldn't want to spend all that money and time in school doing something it turns out I don't think I would like that much.  I love dogs but bleh.  I am happy to be up front doing more organizational stuff.  I always wanted to be a veterinarian as a child but that so is no for me.  Maybe with the move coming up in a year I will be able to focus on my loves, writing and animals.

I have a hard time sorting out my priorities.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a bit of a workaholic and in the past put everything I had in the world into it.  It has been a difficult transition away from that and thinking more about my social side of life and doing things outside of a work environment.  I struggle with feeling like I am letting people down and I still do.  But I am starting to understand that it is okay for me to have my limitations and it is not my responsibility to try to keep up with people who don't enforce the same limitations.  It does not mean that I am lazy or letting people down.  It simply means that I have to live my life in a way that I can maintain long term.  That is a hard learning curve for me.  I feel like I have been making so many changes in the last couple of years that not everyone understands.  I am just trying to find my way through life just like everyone else.  Maybe when Jake and I are facing the future together, the stress will ease on me.

Move forward in life.  That's all you can do.  If you're not happy, move forward and change it.  That's what I've been striving to do and that's what I will continue to do.  I don't understand how else to do it and I don't understand people who don't do it.