Can you say...

Another melancholy post.  Can you say rut?  Can you say PMS and job dissatisfaction?  Can you say shoot me now?

*Sigh*  So, I've been kicking around what and what not to post for a while.  On the one hand, I hate to edit myself.  I feel like I need a place to voice my feelings and thoughts in an honest way.  Then on the flip side this is a public blog.  We've all heard the horror stories of someone who posts on the internet in a therapeutic fashion and it turns around and bites them in the ass.  The last thing I need is me putting a target on my own back.  I already have a huge target on my back through no fault of my own.

We'll just say things aren't going well.  I need to make huge changes before this completely ruins my life.  I shouldn't have to dread it every day and feel like I'm failing at something that is made impossible through other people's actions.  It's just not fair to myself.  Don't they always say life is too short?  Live while you can?

I don't know.  Whoever said that lived in a much simpler world than I do.  Man what I wouldn't give to be independently wealthy.  Lately I've just been trying to remind myself of the good things in my life.  I look around me and I do see people who have it much worse off than I do.  I should be grateful and all that.  Still, recognizing how good I have it doesn't make the bad things disappear.  Maybe it would be healthy for me to make a Pro/Con list.  Or maybe I shouldn't bother and I should just find another road for my feet.  And I should do it sooner rather than later before my spirit gets crushed.

I'm just tired.  I'm exhausted all the time in mind and body.  I need to focus on myself for a while and what I need to ease the burden.  I think I know what I need.  I just wish that this crazy world was a place that you could just leap without looking.  Sadly I have to look if I don't want to end up crashing in my sister's spare bedroom again.  I do love her dearly but that's not where I want to be.  Course I don't want to be where I am mentally either.

What a cluster f***.