RIP Robin

Robin Williams killed himself.  I never would have said that he or his work has had a profound influence on my life but I am really feeling his death.  It makes my heart hurt that a man that was so loved by so many for making them laugh and smile was hiding so much darkness in him that it destroyed him.  No one really knows what goes on below the surface of another person.  Here was my Facebook status today:

As everyone mourns Robin Williams, remember a smile can hide a so much private pain. I know the feeling of debilitating depression and I thank God that I never considered the act of suicide. Mostly because I was just too damn stubborn to let something beat me. But remember that people all around you struggle. Be a voice of strength and support now instead of when it is too late to reach someone. It can make a difference in someone's life.

It's true.  People all around us fight private battles and shoulder private demons everyday.  Mental illness is a real thing that real people face.  It isn't something "other" that you'll never run across.  Chances are someone and someone you know well is or has struggled with it.  I struggled with major depression for years.  Sometimes I didn't even realize just how unhappy I was and I only see it now that I am looking back from a place of relative mental health.

I struggled with depression and, at the time, I had a very hard time admitting it.  That, of course, only made it worse.  I felt like I had to hide this giant thing that was slowly sucking the life out of me from anyone and everyone.  I was so afraid that of people's judgements and that they would think I was weak.  Mental illness is not only debilitating but it is isolating.  Dealing with it is the one time you really need to draw strength from the people around you but it is also the one time you feel you really need to hide.

I struggled with that for a long time.  A silent struggle until I almost broke.  I never felt the need to commit suicide but I can see how someone would reach that point.  Somehow, I had a stubbornness inside of me that refused to give up and I managed to drag myself out of a very deep hole.  The few people I did tell, gave me so much support that I was able to recover.

I just wish that people would look around them and recognize that anyone that struggles with a mental illness is still a person and probably a very strong person.  It takes INCREDIBLE inner strength to be able to survive something like that and work your way through to a healthy place.  Help and understanding is so needed.  No one struggling should feel so judged that they hide it until it kills them.

If you are the one who needs support, speak out.  Know that the person who judges you is worthless but the person that steps up and offers you unconditional support is priceless.

Thank you to all the priceless people in my life.  Most especially my sister, who was a light when I was lost in darkness.